I have an unwavering commitment to rules. The structure they provide, along with the clarity in roles, helps me navigate the sometimes-chaotic world of parenting. By establishing and adhering to guidelines that align with my parenting philosophy, beliefs, and basic common sense, I’ve managed to thrive in motherhood. Knowing exactly what to do and when keeps me grounded.
When chaos strikes, I turn to the rules. Is the baby crying uncontrollably? Nurse, burp, swaddle, sway, and repeat. Is my preschooler resisting bedtime? Explain what being tired means and let her stay up with a light on, surrounded by books, until she can’t handle it anymore. What about my fifth-grader who avoids homework? No screen time until it’s completed. If I’ve been up twice at night because the little one is having nightmares, it’s time to wake up my partner; he knows it’s his turn. Rules are the backbone of my parenting approach, so don’t even think about challenging them.
However, this is easier said than done. I have three daughters aged 5, 11, and 14. The age differences mean that each child requires different rules, and someone is always testing the boundaries. One child needs reminders about limiting screen time, while another requires firm but calm nudges to communicate respectfully with adults. My youngest needs guidelines for everything: “No, you can’t use a permanent marker on the wall, and yes, it’s bath night because you skipped last time.” Establishing boundaries teaches kids how to care for themselves and fosters safety, kindness, honesty, and respect.
My daughters are aware of my expectations and face consequences when they don’t meet them. More importantly, I also know what’s required of me. My children depend on me to be consistent in my requests and values. They expect me to clarify what behaviors and actions are acceptable, and they rely on me to define right from wrong, safe from dangerous, and kind from unkind. That said, I wish I could say my kids follow the rules cheerfully, but that would be a disservice to honesty (and honesty is a rule too).
I don’t create arbitrary rules to make life difficult for my children, yet they still break them. When that happens, it throws me off balance. In addition to enforcing consequences, I find myself questioning my parenting choices and wondering if I’m being too strict. This is particularly true with my teenager, whose defiance leaves me feeling disoriented. The rules that once served us well—crafted lovingly to ensure her safety and guide her to be a good person—seem to be losing their effectiveness. Instead, she challenges my reasoning, pushes the limits, and firmly stands her ground.
Why must she go to bed at 10 p.m. when she isn’t even tired and has another hour of homework? While her argument holds some merit, can she simply disregard the rules? If she does ignore them, should I impose a consequence, or is the fatigue she’ll experience the only penalty she needs? It’s evident that what matters more to her than avoiding punishment is the need to be listened to. I must commend her determination to voice her opinions, even if it disrupts my comfort zone. I don’t want to enforce behavior just because it’s a rule; I want her to act in accordance with her values because that reflects who she is as a person.
Is it possible that the rules require some adjustments? The mere thought of this possibility makes me uneasy. I’m not ready to relinquish or renegotiate the guidelines that have shaped my motherhood for so long. If the rules change, my authority diminishes, signaling that my daughter is growing up and gradually becoming independent. Although it’s bittersweet, I recognize that she must eventually cultivate her own set of principles.
For now, there are still plenty of rules that this rule-loving mom is eager to uphold: no cleats on the wooden floors, no R-rated films, no boys in the room, don’t touch my desk, and yes, we must exchange goodnight kisses—always. Why? Because I love you…and rules.
This article offers insight into the challenges of maintaining structure while parenting and highlights the importance of communication and understanding as children grow. For those interested in home insemination, you might find our post about artificial insemination kits engaging, as well as resources from March of Dimes for pregnancy guidance. Additionally, for further information on fertility, check out this authority.
Summary:
Navigating the complexities of parenting can be challenging, especially when it comes to establishing and upholding rules. As children grow, the need for flexibility and understanding increases, requiring parents to balance structure with open communication. While rules provide stability, adapting them to suit evolving circumstances is essential for fostering healthy relationships within families.