Before I embraced the journey of parenthood, I held various misconceptions about what being a parent would entail. Now, nearly a decade into this role, I find many of those notions amusingly naive. Similarly, prior to becoming a stay-at-home mom (SAHM), I thought I understood what that experience would be like. Once again, I was mistaken.
Even during my time as a SAHM with newborns and toddlers, I often chuckled at how misguided my expectations had been. Unbeknownst to me, I harbored some preconceived ideas about what life would be like as a SAHM with school-aged children. You know, the stereotypical notions of lounging around watching TV and snacking on bonbons. Hilarious, right?
What Do We Do All Day?
People often ask, “What do you do all day?” It’s a question that can be posed in both subtle and overt ways. I understand the curiosity; those who aren’t at-home parents often find SAHMs to be somewhat of a mystery. Particularly puzzling are those of us who care for school-aged children. What on earth do we do from 8 a.m. to 3 p.m. while others are working?
Well, let me enlighten you. Some of us are hurrying back to jobs that contribute to the household income, even if only partially. That woman you see gardening or walking her dog might be juggling client consultations between PTA meetings and playdates. She could be burning the midnight oil working on her laptop after the kids are in bed, or answering emails while waiting in the carpool line. Some may even be crafting articles on their phones while their children enjoy time at the park, or researching vendors for a startup while waiting for soccer practice to wrap up.
Many of us dedicate hours to scheduling doctor’s appointments and navigating insurance hurdles to secure necessary medications or medical procedures for our kids. We’re meeting teachers and specialists, tackling piles of laundry, and making multiple trips to the grocery store to ensure we have enough snacks for the after-school playdates we regularly host.
Some of us are assisting aging parents with their appointments or teaching them how to navigate new technology. We could be driving long distances to pick up specialized shoes for our children or volunteering at soup kitchens and schools. We’re often on the move, whether it’s making yet another grocery run or providing emotional support to friends grappling with their own parenting struggles. We’re planning family vacations and managing household chores like dry cleaning pickups.
And yes, sometimes when our responsibilities have been fulfilled, we indulge in a bit of personal time. After conference calls and deadlines are met, we might catch up with a friend for lunch because adult conversations are refreshing. We may treat ourselves to a pedicure, color our hair to cover the grays that stress has gifted us, or browse in a bookstore for a captivating novel after picking up a chapter book for our child. We might even hit the gym for a workout, as those endorphins help us maintain our sanity around others. And let’s not forget the long, hot showers we deserve after years of quick rinses and dry shampoo.
Busy Lives, Not Idle Ones
While our children, those little beings who once demanded all of our time and energy, are now in school for a significant chunk of the day, it does not mean we are sitting idly by. We are busy—supporting our families, managing our households, and nurturing our relationships. Our tasks range from vital to mundane, from challenging to simple, but they are all part of our daily lives.
My initial assumptions about being a SAHM were quickly dismantled after my first child arrived, and with both kids now in school, my previous judgments about SAHMs with school-aged children have also been shattered. My days now consist of freelance work, client communications, and conference calls as I strive to revive my career. I’m running errands that would have been nearly impossible with two young children in tow, rediscovering cooking beyond the usual quick meals, and volunteering while nurturing relationships that may have taken a backseat during the chaotic early years of motherhood. Yes, I allow myself moments of indulgence—lunches with friends, manicures, or serene walks.
Contrary to popular belief, I am not doing nothing. I am certainly not lounging in front of daytime television with a box of bonbons. It’s more like I’m catching an episode of The View while enjoying a Kit Kat bar from the back of the freezer.
Further Exploration
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Conclusion
In summary, the life of a SAHM with school-aged children is multifaceted and busy, filled with responsibilities that often go unnoticed. While we may have more free time than when our kids were younger, our days are still packed with important tasks, personal growth, and occasional indulgences. We are not, in any sense of the word, doing nothing.