Dear Millennial Mom,
I see you over there with your little one, his beachy hair brushing against his shoulders as he contorts to wiggle free from those tired brown straps of the restaurant high chair. You cast a quick glance around, feeling the pressure as your child lets out an exasperated yell. Your partner heads to the bar — good move. You pull out your phone to capture the moment of your soon-to-explode toddler while calmly explaining why he needs to stay put. With your other hand, you rock the fussy baby strapped to your chest. Two older women at a nearby table shoot you disapproving looks. Are they irritated by the noise or judging your parenting choices? Maybe both?
I can only imagine what you’ll post about this later — and please don’t take that as a jab.
Just as your husband sets your glass of wine down with a grin, your little guy kicks the table. Crayons scatter, wine spills, and the baby starts wailing. The women at the next table exchange glances, their lips tight. I see your face turn red as you frantically clean up, pop a pacifier into the crying baby’s mouth, and quietly ask your husband for help with the now tantrum-throwing toddler. You know there’s no saving this situation. All you wanted was that nice glass of wine, a delicious burger, and sweet potato fries. When the food finally arrives, you request a to-go box.
The two women giggle over their salads, but I empathize with you. I’m the 40-something mom sitting across the room with my perfectly composed 5-year-old. My wine is safe because I let my daughter happily eat butter straight from the dish that came with the bread basket. Despite our generational differences, I completely relate to your experience. Parenting is chaotic, no matter when you became a mom.
Thanks to my third child, born later in life, I get to interact with millennial moms like you. Yes, I may not understand your fixation with your phone and some of your parenting choices might baffle me, but we have more similarities than differences. I might prefer skinny jeans over yoga pants and nude lip gloss over bold colors, but at the core, we both want to raise happy, healthy children, even if our methods differ. And guess what? You’re doing an amazing job, even if it doesn’t always feel that way.
There’s an overwhelming amount of information available to you that didn’t exist when I had my first child. Sharing the details of your life online seems second nature, just as managing sleep schedules did for me. You willingly engage with social media — the candid Instagram posts, the virtual parenting groups, and the ever-changing advice — but that doesn’t mean you deserve the judgment that often comes with it. Sifting through advice, research, and online criticism must be draining, but I understand why you do it. You don’t want to parent in isolation. While you do have real-life connections, your vibrant virtual community is always with you, glowing from your handheld device, offering support when you need it most.
I didn’t have that luxury back then. For me, connecting with other moms meant leaving home, which was tough due to postpartum depression and nursing challenges that kept me isolated. When I finally ventured out, I wore a mask of perfection that wasn’t sustainable. Your openness and willingness to connect feel far more genuine than the facade many moms of my generation felt pressured to maintain.
I know you often feel judged, maybe even shamed by those women at the next table, but I want to tell you: forget them. Parenting is a tough gig, and you’re handling it well. When you snap a picture in the midst of chaos, it doesn’t mean you’re ignoring your kids; it means you’re taking a brief moment for yourself amidst the madness. That’s something I wish I could have done back when I was in the thick of it.
But please, don’t leave on my account. I completely understand how challenging it is to simply get out the door, and I know the disappointment of having to cut an outing short is immense. I see you struggling; I’ve been there. Raising kids is hard, and while I can’t say it gets easier, it certainly evolves, just like you will. One day, you’ll find yourself sitting at a restaurant with your kids, savoring that juicy burger, fries, and a sparkling glass of wine from start to finish. And when that day comes, I hope you share it on Instagram. That’s a moment worth celebrating.
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In summary, while we may be from different generations, our common goal of raising happy, healthy children unites us. You’re doing a fantastic job, even when it feels overwhelming.