Today is December 3rd. I woke up feeling joyful. It’s also the third anniversary of the hardest day of my life—a day marked by overwhelming pain, betrayal, and a profound sense of fear. On that day, I felt more lost and alone than I ever thought possible. I never envisioned I would find happiness again.
Three years ago, what I perceived as the end of my “life” at 33 was, in truth, just the beginning. It was a cold, dreary, and rainy day, and I think I cried as many tears as raindrops fell that night, curled up on my shower floor. I used to feel deep shame in admitting that my husband—my best friend and partner—no longer desired to be with me. I never saw it coming.
In that moment, the most challenging realization was that I felt completely empty and alone, as if everything I had was stripped away in an instant. I had been living for someone else, and when life became unbearably tough—through three miscarriages, multiple surgeries, and countless doctor visits—I became fixated on making others happy. Writing this still stirs up difficult emotions, but I refuse to forget how it felt. I promised myself I would never experience that kind of despair again.
I know my openness can help others because I’m not alone in this experience. I want to keep sharing my story in hopes of inspiring those who might feel lost to know that happiness is within reach.
No, I haven’t remarried, and I still don’t have kids. At 36, I’m aware that I’m considered “geriatric” by the standards of my OBGYN. I no longer own a house, and the past year has been one of the most challenging of my life as I’ve worked to rediscover who I am. Yet, I can confidently say I’m happier than I’ve ever been.
That doesn’t mean I don’t experience rough days or even months. However, I now confront my challenges head-on and allow myself to truly feel them instead of avoiding them. I have no idea what the future holds, but I’ve taken the reins of my life. If I don’t do it, who will? No one is coming to save me, nor would I want them to. I can handle this, and so can you.
I want to continue sharing this journey, hoping to encourage others not to neglect themselves. Perhaps my words can help someone avoid years of struggle. True healing began when I started leaning on others, sharing my vulnerabilities, and believing that I am enough. I realized that my confidence to carve my own path was what had been holding me back. Like building muscle, it requires effort, but the results are always worth it.
I’m still on this journey. Some days feel long, and I remember asking my therapist when the pain would lessen and when I would stop waking up with thoughts of betrayal. And then it happened—three years passed, and I found myself feeling grateful.
Life is fleeting, so I’m unapologetically forging my own path, putting my head down, and pushing away the negativity. Once you’ve faced the worst day of your life, it seems trivial to let anything or anyone hold you back. If you’re looking for more insights into self-insemination and related topics, check out this post at Home Insemination Kit. Also, for reliable information on fertility treatments, ACOG is an excellent resource. If you’re interested in more about home insemination, Intracervical Insemination provides valuable insights.
In summary, my journey of self-discovery after divorce has led me to a place of happiness I never thought possible. Embracing vulnerability and leaning on others has been my path to healing. Life is too short to let fear hold you back, and I encourage anyone feeling lost to take charge of their own happiness.