I remember feeling somewhat offended. Why would anyone assume I should be worried? Was there something inherently wrong with me for not wanting kids? The idea of needing “the right man” was perhaps the most perplexing notion of all. By that point, I had met, dated, and even lived with several great guys. It just wasn’t on my agenda to settle down. The thought of marriage alone used to send shivers down my spine. I had been married once, for a brief six months, and through that experience, I realized I had no desire to walk down that aisle again. Thankfully, I didn’t have to learn the same lesson about parenthood.
From an early age, I was certain motherhood wasn’t in my future. While other girls were busy with baby dolls and pretend kitchens, I was collecting stuffed animals and playing music. The idea of Ken or Barbie never appealed to me; I was more enchanted by the likes of Prince and Paul Stanley. Their unique allure—pouty lips, makeup, and flamboyant style—captivated me.
Perhaps my upbringing had something to do with it. My maternal figures weren’t particularly nurturing, but that never stopped me from dressing my dog in baby clothes and making him sit in a high chair. I suspect that behavior led others to assume I was just another typical girl who would eventually want kids. In reality, all I yearned for were dogs—lots of them.
What irks me is the societal notion that a woman’s worth is measured by her desire or ability to have children. When do we ever pose that question to men? Rarely, if at all. Conversations about their aspirations, achievements, and passions take center stage, while women are often pigeonholed into motherhood roles. It’s essential to recognize that women can aspire to greatness in many forms, whether they have children or not. And for those of us who choose not to become mothers, it’s disheartening to be labeled as lacking or defective.
At 43, I have yet to experience any overwhelming desire to procreate. My legacies will be my creative works—books, artwork, and personal accomplishments. Does this make me strange? Am I somehow unbalanced? Or have I simply chosen to stay true to myself, as many women are doing today, in the face of societal pressure? I prefer to think it’s the latter.
Not every woman wants children, and that’s perfectly acceptable, just as it is for men who feel the same way. If there is indeed a biological clock that ticks away, some of us have decided to do more than just hit snooze—we’ve thrown it against the wall. For me, there’s been no ticking, no alarm, just a peaceful acceptance of my own choices.
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In summary, not all women are destined to become mothers, and that’s a completely normal choice. Our identities and accomplishments are not defined solely by parenthood, and it’s crucial to embrace the diverse paths women choose to take.