You might think that having given birth makes me an authority on parenting and the happiness it can bring. That’s a joke, of course. I’m no expert, but the question I frequently receive from friends considering parenthood might lead you to believe otherwise. The question is simple: Is it worth it?
Perhaps I’m asked this because I share personal experiences publicly and offer women unsolicited advice. Maybe it’s because many of my professional friends have chosen to wait until later in life to start families. Regardless, I find that my response often surprises them.
Honestly, it’s probably not worth it—whatever “it” may be.
Becoming a mother has always felt destined for me. I longed for this role for as long as I can remember. After years of struggling to conceive, I often found myself thinking, “This can’t be right. I’m meant to be a mother.” There’s no logical reasoning behind that certainty.
We began trying for a child in our early 30s, unaware it would take five long years to finally achieve a pregnancy. I welcomed my first child at 37 and my second at 40. I recognize that this isn’t a traditional timeline, but I’ve never been one to follow the norm. I didn’t have kids because society expected it; I did it because I truly desired it.
That’s why my advice tends to catch people off guard. They see my enjoyment of motherhood and expect me to extol its virtues, proclaiming it as the ultimate fulfillment. Instead, my response is often, “If you’re uncertain about having kids, maybe you shouldn’t. Your current life is pretty great, right?”
This usually elicits blank stares and confusion.
What’s wrong with the freedom to travel without worrying about childcare, to enjoy daytime drinks, or to dedicate time to your own career and hobbies? I have many single, childless friends in their 40s who are genuinely happy. While some are not, I doubt that adding a baby would significantly alter their lives for the better.
I firmly believe that not every woman is inherently designed for motherhood. Just because you have the biological capacity to bear children doesn’t mean you’re obligated to. Many couples fall prey to societal pressure that insists parenthood is essential for a fulfilling life. That simply isn’t true.
Moreover, this line of thinking isn’t beneficial for our global community. The world is overpopulated, and we lack the resources to support the growing number of people. There’s no pressing biological need to continue increasing the population. We’re fine as we are.
Let’s be real—parenthood is challenging. It demands endless sacrifices that you must be prepared for. Every time I mention this, someone seems offended, insisting that I must be doing it wrong. But the truth is, it’s tough. It can be rewarding, but it’s undeniably hard work.
The most significant issue is that the questions we seek answers to when considering parenthood are often unanswerable. Why should I have a child? Will becoming a parent make me more selfless or self-centered? How will this change me? What will my life look like? If someone claims to know the answers, they’re likely not being truthful.
That’s why I suggest this: If you’re unsure about having kids, maybe don’t. When faced with such a monumental decision, my own experience guides me. My unwavering desire to be a parent helps me navigate the challenges of motherhood. Without that certainty, I wonder how fulfilled I’d truly be.
Of course, there are those who were uncertain but ended up cherishing parenthood. Still, I believe that a degree of certainty is essential for such a life-altering choice. After all, you’re bringing a human being into the world—something you should feel confident about, right? Just be prepared to discover that certainty is a fleeting concept.
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Summary:
This article explores the complexities of deciding whether to have children, emphasizing that uncertainty may indicate one should reconsider parenthood. It discusses the societal pressures surrounding motherhood, the challenges of parenting, and the importance of personal certainty in making such a significant life choice.