It’s your special day. You and your partner stand before friends and family, gripping your notes with such intensity that you can barely concentrate on the words coming out of your mouth. Honestly, you’re not the only one distracted; your guests are likely daydreaming about the wedding feast and reconsidering their outfit choices.
But does it matter if anyone’s fully listening? Traditional wedding vows lack specificity. This generic ritual is why many drift off—the usual phrases like “to have and to hold” and “in sickness and in health” have become all too familiar. Imagine if couples crafted vows that were more reflective of the everyday realities of marriage.
I vow to accept your stretch marks, varicose veins, and the random hairs that appear as time goes by, without making snide comments about the extra pounds (whether it’s 15 or 50) that may come with the years.
I promise to find you attractive, even if you start losing your hair. I also vow to keep the bathroom door closed during my “me time.”
I will limit my grumbles about the in-laws, except when they do something truly outrageous. I’ll work on curbing my backseat driving, or at least I’ll try most of the time.
I promise to tell you if you’ve got food stuck in your teeth. I won’t be jealous—unless you’re flirting, because “Are you sure? That definitely looked like flirting to me.”
I pledge to share the chores fairly, even the not-so-pleasant tasks like unclogging the drain from all that disgusting hair. I’ll avoid complaining when you overspend, even if I might end up doing the same.
I promise to always be honest, except when it comes to questions like “Do I look old?” I’ll also ensure that I don’t hog the blankets.
I recognize that we’ll both change as the years go by, and I promise to adapt to those changes. I’ll share control of the TV, even when your taste in shows is questionable at best.
I vow to keep my body hair and toenails trim enough that they won’t poke or annoy you. I’ll make sure not to leave hair clippings everywhere and pledge to consult you before adopting any new pets.
I promise to be attuned to your needs, especially when chocolate isn’t just a craving but a necessity. I’ll never leave you without toilet paper.
I’ll be the one to initiate date nights—even if we end up talking about the kids anyway. If you’re committing fashion faux pas, like wearing a fanny pack, I will kindly let you know.
I’ll tolerate the occasional bad mood, as long as it’s not 90% of the time. I promise to support your parenting choices instead of letting the kids get away with whatever you said no to.
I’ll excuse myself if the gas gets particularly raunchy, and I’ll make sure never to leave crumbs in the butter or jelly. I promise to erase any memory of seeing you throw up, give birth, or pick your nose.
I’ll never ignore an overflowing trash can, and I vow to nag you as little as possible. I’ll do the little things that make you smile, while cherishing who you are today and remembering who you were.
Ultimately, I promise to keep sight of the good in our relationship, even during the inevitable rough patches. Traditional vows may paint an idyllic picture, but a more realistic approach prepares couples for the true journey of marriage—a beautiful, exhausting, and sometimes messy experience that goes far beyond “to love and to cherish.”
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In summary, reimagining wedding vows with honesty and specificity can better prepare couples for the realities of married life. Emphasizing the everyday commitments can create a stronger foundation for the journey ahead.