This past weekend, while I was at a soccer game, I took a moment to observe the crowd during halftime. Heads were all bowed, glued to cell phones (I admit, I was one of them). I imagined they were busy texting partners about whether to stop at the store on the way home, or perhaps sharing updates with other parents who couldn’t make it to the game. Maybe they were scrolling through social media—who knows?
Amidst this digital distraction, I spotted a little girl seated in her pink swing coat and blue beanie, staring wide-eyed at the crowd. She was the only one there without a device in hand, and it was clear she longed for one. This got me thinking: If toddlers had the ability to text, what hilarious messages might they exchange? I envisioned them sharing their most candid, and quite possibly riotous, thoughts.
- “OMG, I had two blowouts today! Mom had to toss one of my outfits because the peas I had for dinner erupted everywhere while I was in my bouncy swing. LMAO!”
- “Mom dragged me through Target AGAIN. I screamed the whole time. She was so mad at me, but honestly, IDGAF. That red cart is the worst! I just wanna chill with my Binky, you know?”
- “Mom is sipping that pretty pink drink in a fancy glass again. It makes her all giggly and relaxed. I keep trying to get some, but she keeps swapping it out for my sippy cup. When do we get the fancy juice?”
- “Mom claims on Facebook that all my food is homemade and organic! NFW, that stuff comes in a jar with a kid who looks just like me. So cray cray.”
- “FYI, if you toss stuff off your high chair, someone will just keep picking it up for you. Works in a shopping cart, too! It’s a blast—I could do this all day.”
- “Listen, if you bite the nipple while nursing, your mama will take away your milky-juice faster than you can say ‘no.’ And she makes this weird crying face, which is super scary.”
- “Hey, guess what? I finally got the scissors and some alone time! You should see my bangs, they are on fleek!”
- “Just a heads up, if you flush your favorite lovey down the toilet, it won’t come back and you’ll end up soaking wet. Don’t do it, dude.”
- “Today, I accidentally peed on my own face during a diaper change. It scared me, and I cried. Keep this on the DL, but man, what a riot!”
- “Mom opened my diaper to check, and guess what? She got poop on her fingers again! Why does she keep doing this?”
- “No naps for me today! I just got a new Paw Patrol book, and it’s too good to put down!”
- “Hey, playdate is happening today! Can’t wait to CU soon. Mom brought those new squeeze yogurts—we’re going to smear them everywhere!”
- “I was so rowdy last night, and now Mom is chugging that hot black stuff. I’ll try to calm down tonight, but really, who am I kidding? Nighttime is when I thrive!”
- “Man, you don’t know pain until you start teething. This is real. Being one is tough!”
- “Tommy visited yesterday. Ugh, I can’t stand him. He’s all potty-trained and thinks he’s the best. His mom wouldn’t stop bragging. We took a picture, and obviously, I’m in a giant diaper while he’s not. I need to step up my potty training game!”
- “I’m in the car right now, and I can’t wait to get home and ditch these pants. What’s the deal? Just wanna be free, you know?”
- “Sometimes, I just want to chill with my buddy Caillou, but Mom keeps changing the channel. What’s up with that? I miss him; he gets me.”
- “Guess what? I figured out how to buy video games from the iPad! Genius move. Next time we’re at the park, I’ll fill you in on the details.”
While it would be a riot to read these imagined messages from toddlers, I also appreciate that they still have a couple of years before they become glued to their screens. Sitting on those bleachers, I shared a moment with that little girl who met my gaze. It reminded me how much I valued real-life interactions over the digital kind. So, I tucked my phone away and handed her a leaf I found nearby. Even though she tossed it aside in favor of my phone, the brief moment she spent admiring the leaf was pure magic.
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In summary, it’s both amusing and heartwarming to imagine what toddlers would text if they could. Their candid, innocent take on life reminds us to appreciate the little moments before they dive headfirst into the digital world.