In a quiet skatepark on a sunny morning, my three sons were having a great time with their kindergarten friend, Timmy. As they laughed and played, a couple of older boys showed up on scooters, accompanied by their father and grandmother. My friend Sarah and I cheered for the older boys when they executed impressive tricks close by.
Meanwhile, my kids were about 50 feet away, riding their skateboards while my youngest, a four-year-old named Leo, sat on his board with glee. Out of nowhere, the grandmother approached them, her demeanor stern and uninviting. She began to lecture Leo and Timmy, leaving my older sons in shock. Even from a distance, we could see the confusion on their faces.
After she returned to her seat, I felt compelled to address the situation. “Excuse me,” I said firmly. “It seems you have an issue with my children.”
“They’re leaving their skateboards in the middle of the park, and someone might get hurt,” she replied defensively.
“So, you thought it was appropriate to confront them?” I countered. “Do you realize how old the child you chose to scold is? Four! He’s in tears because you yelled at him. What made you think that was okay?”
“I just wanted to teach him a lesson,” she sniffed, her lips pursed in indignation. My frustration peaked.
“And you believe that’s your role? To teach him a lesson?” I pressed further.
The exchange only escalated from there, culminating in me insisting that if she had concerns about my children, she should address me directly, not them. As I walked back to comfort Leo, my anger simmered.
I have little patience for intrusive grandmothers, overzealous parents, or anyone who reprimands children without a shred of kindness. It’s disheartening when adults feel empowered to chastise kids, especially when their parents are present. If this is what community looks like, then count me out.
In an ideal scenario, if Grandma Betty had approached us with a gentle request, stating, “Hey, your kids have left their skateboards in a spot where someone might trip,” the outcome would have been completely different. I might have found her a bit overprotective, but I would have engaged my kids about moving their boards. If she had been polite and respectful, she could have fostered a cooperative environment.
Had she kindly spoken to my kids, asking them to relocate their skateboards for safety, I would have supported her. While I might still have disagreed with her overly cautious approach, there’s no harm in indulging a concerned adult. A respectful tone would have gone a long way in diffusing the situation.
If she had expressed her concerns directly to me after trying to engage my kids, I would have been understanding. I could have shared that my children sometimes struggle with remembering things due to ADHD, which would have opened up a dialogue instead of a confrontation. However, it seems that many prefer to yell at children, perceiving them as easier targets than confronting adults.
This behavior sends a troubling message to our children: that anyone older can command respect simply because of their age. This is unacceptable. I must teach my sons that they have a voice, and that they should not feel belittled by adults who choose to scold them in public spaces. I want them to know that I will always stand up for them when someone like Grandma Betty decides to reprimand them unfairly.
As much as I believe in community, it should be a supportive one. I advocate for looking out for children, especially if they are in danger or being bullied. However, the community should be about kindness and understanding. It should respect each child, considering that they may have unseen challenges or disabilities.
Reprimanding a four-year-old, or any child for that matter, is not the way to create a nurturing environment. If this is the type of community that exists, then I’m ready to distance myself. I’d rather live in my own space than be part of a village that lacks compassion.
In conclusion, the essence of a supportive community lies in respect and kindness towards each other, especially the children. Let’s aim for a village where everyone is treated as equals rather than reprimanded without context.
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