As the holiday season approaches, many of us, especially moms, can feel overwhelmed by the mounting stress. Who else is going to ensure the stockings are filled, the perfect gifts are selected, and that the Elf on the Shelf is creatively relocated each night? The modern mom experience means that the holidays often add to our already full plates, leading to feelings of inadequacy. Are we keeping pace with our neighbors through our glamorous holiday cards? Are we securing every trending toy our children have asked for? Are we recreating that dish everyone adored at last year’s potluck, even if it takes all day?
A recent essay titled “Holiday Magic Is Made By Women. And It’s Killing Us” sheds light on the numerous responsibilities that pile up during the holiday season, often labeled as “emotional labor.” While it’s true that women frequently bear the brunt of holiday planning, it may not be entirely accurate to categorize all of it as “emotional labor.”
Let’s face it: while a picture-perfect Christmas card may appear essential, it really isn’t. The author of the essay discusses the stress of coordinating a professional photo shoot for their annual card, complete with weather considerations, the right message, and all the follow-up tasks of addressing and mailing. She contemplates skipping the card altogether due to the fear of disappointing family and friends who look forward to it each year. But is that really the case?
In today’s digital age, platforms like Facebook and Instagram mean that friends and family can see our kids’ faces regularly. This realization led me to make holiday cards optional a long time ago; some years I send them, and some years I don’t. Ultimately, does anyone truly care?
We often forget that we have a choice in how we approach the holidays. The essay suggests that therapists recommend “dropping a ball or two” during this hectic time, but what if we dropped a whole bunch? The pressure to be the ultimate holiday superstar is self-imposed and, frankly, optional.
Real emotional labor encompasses the daily responsibilities that typically fall on women — from managing communications with schools and pediatricians to keeping track of social lives and even remembering to buy toothpaste. I handle a lot of the mental load for my family. However, the holiday tasks that we feel compelled to do should be sources of joy, not stress.
Much of the seasonal hustle is entirely unnecessary, yet many of us have come to believe otherwise. Instead of figuring out how to cope with the “emotional labor” we place upon ourselves, why not simply say “no” to the things we dread? Skipping the holiday card won’t cause any real harm; I can always post a quick update on Facebook for Aunt Lisa to see. Sure, some might miss us at the annual Ugly Sweater Potluck, but life will go on. I could opt for gift cards instead of stressing over finding the perfect present; this shouldn’t be a source of anxiety for anyone.
Often, the tasks we feel obligated to complete stem from a desire to avoid disappointing others. But why not focus on preventing your own disappointment instead? If certain individuals in your life expect you to meet these superficial standards, it might be time to stop worrying about their opinions. Your mental well-being should never take a backseat to please someone else during the holiday season. If your to-do list has you so stressed that you can’t enjoy this time of year, simply say no.
In the end, the holiday season should be about joy and connection, not stress and pressure. You deserve to enjoy the festivities without the weight of unrealistic expectations.
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Summary
The holiday season can create undue stress, particularly for women who often take on the bulk of holiday planning, labeled as “emotional labor.” However, many tasks are optional and should be enjoyable rather than obligatory. It’s essential to prioritize your mental health and feel free to say no to activities that don’t bring joy.