“Therapy has been a game changer for my anxiety,” my friend Sarah shared. Regular sessions over several months led her to a place of acceptance and growth. “That’s wonderful!” I replied with enthusiasm. Yet, deep down, I was avoiding the truth: I was terrified of going to therapy myself.
Why Did I Hesitate?
Why did I consider therapy a last resort? I thought I could manage my anxiety with other methods like medication, natural remedies, and meditation. But the pressure of generational misconceptions about therapy only exacerbated my anxiety. I was bombarded with stereotypes: Why would I confess my struggles to a stranger? Wasn’t it enough to just pray harder? Did my anxiety stem from a lack of faith? The internal dialogue was relentless. Why couldn’t I just take a “chill pill” and live a fulfilling life?
My Journey with Anxiety
Anxiety has been a constant in my life. My earliest memory is from when I was just two years old, experiencing a traumatic car accident with my family. I vividly recall the chaos of that day, the anxiety gripping me as we navigated a twenty-vehicle pileup in Chicago. After the crash, I found myself in a laundromat, feeling the heat from the dryers but unable to shake my chills.
From that moment on, anxiety became my shadow. I would wake up at the crack of dawn, worrying about my dad’s safety as he headed to work. I craved order, and chaos felt like my greatest enemy. By middle school, I was plagued with stomach pains that followed me into adulthood, later evolving into panic attacks. I was perpetually tense, and it was exhausting.
Taking the Step to Seek Help
It wasn’t until I turned 33 that I finally decided to seek therapy. At that time, I was anxiously awaiting the arrival of a baby we were matched with, while my three kids at home were eagerly asking if they would have a sister. The freshly decorated nursery filled me with hope but also heightened my anxiety.
I could no longer manage my racing thoughts alone. Even though I had started taking anxiety medication, I knew that therapy was essential for my journey. For weeks, I pondered making an appointment, and even the thought of calling sent my anxiety skyrocketing. Once I finally dialed the number and scheduled my first session, the reminder in my calendar haunted me. I was filled with dread about the unknown.
The First Session
On the day of my appointment, I opted for comfort, choosing to wear my workout clothes. I wasn’t there to impress anyone; I just wanted to show up as my authentic self. As I drove to the therapist’s office, my heart raced, but I kept reminding myself that this was a positive step.
To my surprise, my first therapy session was rather uneventful. I didn’t come out transformed, but I did feel a little lighter knowing I had faced my fear. I now regret not trying therapy earlier, especially when my panic attacks began in my twenties.
The Benefits of Therapy
There’s something liberating about speaking to a trained professional about your challenges. While loved ones often judge, therapists are there to listen and guide without bias. Over the past few years, particularly since I started seeing a therapist who specializes in anxiety disorders, I’ve gained invaluable insights into my struggles. I’ve learned that anxiety often runs in families; I can identify at least four relatives who also battle it. It’s more common than one might think—over a third of women will experience an anxiety disorder at some point in their lives.
Like many, I grapple with the expectations of who I should be versus the reality of my experiences. After adopting four children, surviving a near-fatal illness, and facing cancer, people often describe me as strong and brave. But truthfully, on chaotic days, I feel just as fragile and scared as anyone else. My anxiety intensifies the usual stresses of parenting and working.
Discussing my feelings, decisions, and struggles in therapy has empowered me. It has allowed me to embrace my pain and acknowledge both my highs and lows, rather than constantly trying to suppress them. Therapy has provided me with a safe space to process my emotions, helping me to confront rather than evade them.
Wishing I Had Sought Help Sooner
Reflecting on my journey, I wish I had sought help sooner—perhaps in my twenties when my panic attacks first emerged. If I had, I might have discovered that therapy is a regular appointment on my calendar, much like any other commitment—but with the potential to facilitate real self-care and healing.
Now that my therapy sessions feel more routine, I’ve begun to openly share my struggles with anxiety with friends and family. I’ve stopped hiding from my truth. I am a person living with anxiety, and there are countless others like me.
Discussing my experiences with both my therapist and my loved ones has diminished the hold anxiety had over me, allowing me to reclaim an important part of myself. For anyone navigating similar challenges, I encourage you to explore resources like this one for guidance on treatment options. You’re not alone in this journey.
Conclusion
In summary, seeking therapy can be a transformative experience. It allows individuals to confront their struggles, understand their emotions, and reclaim their lives. Don’t wait too long to seek help—your mental health is worth it.