Updated: Jan. 15, 2023
Originally Published: Dec. 30, 2021
Eight years ago, I found myself in a frustrating situation with my 2-year-old son while waiting for his older siblings to finish school. This time of day was always challenging; he would become restless and act out, not grasping why I wouldn’t let him run wild in the quiet hallway. “You need to be quiet. The older kids are still learning,” I would remind him, but it often felt like an uphill battle. He wouldn’t verbally respond, but he kept pushing boundaries, and every day felt like an eternity as I wrestled with his outbursts.
Then one day, instead of just squirming and fussing, he voiced his displeasure: “Mommy, I don’t like you.” That was his attempt at backtalk, and even though he was just a toddler, my frustration flared up. “I don’t like you either when you don’t listen and talk back. I expect you to behave,” I replied firmly. He stopped in his tracks, surprised by my response.
To some, this might seem overly strict, but backtalk is something I simply cannot tolerate. It infuriates me, and I believe that children need to understand the impact of their words. That day marked a significant shift in his behavior during school pickups; my words had clearly struck a chord with him. However, this wasn’t a permanent solution. Despite our progress, my children still occasionally test their limits with backtalk, fully aware of how it affects me.
Fast forward eight years, and I find myself in yet another showdown with my son. “If you’re going to speak like a jerk, just don’t say anything at all!” I shout, and I can tell they struggle to comprehend my frustration, especially when it’s delivered in an exasperated tone.
I have zero tolerance for my kids speaking disrespectfully to me or anyone else. They know better, and I take a no-nonsense approach to this issue. It drives me to my limits every single time. I firmly believe that we teach others how to treat us. While people may not be kind all the time, they generally understand what they can get away with regarding our behavior. This principle holds true for our children as well.
Ignoring their rude comments has never worked for me; it only encourages them to push the envelope further. They think, “Oh good, Mom didn’t react when I was being rude. Let’s see how much more I can get away with.” This behavior is especially evident in public settings, where ignoring their sass can lead to chaos. I prefer to address it on the spot, even if it means leaning in closely and raising my voice.
My kids are aware that their treatment of me has consequences, and while I might receive disapproving glances from onlookers, I’d rather face that than allow them to behave like disrespectful kids. Respect is a two-way street, and they must learn to show it if they want it in return.
Disciplining them usually means I morph into a strict parent, taking away privileges like dessert, playdates, and favorite toys. Nowadays, it’s often their screen time that suffers, with me confiscating their cherished smartphones. They know my triggers, and when they use specific phrases in certain tones, those devices are off-limits for days. For instance, if I ask them to do something they already know they should have done, and they interrupt with, “I know, Mom!” it’s an instant week-long phone ban.
I won’t sugarcoat it: maintaining this level of discipline is exhausting. Sometimes, I question my decisions and even consider returning their phones if I think they’ve learned their lesson. But most of the time, I stand firm, even against their sweet apologies or declarations of love.
While some believe I’m too harsh, I understand that my kids, just like anyone, are prone to testing boundaries. When they misbehave, it’s a reflection of their feelings, and I recognize that I, too, can backtalk when feeling overwhelmed. However, for me, this is just part of the motherhood journey, and I’m not backing down anytime soon.
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In summary, I maintain a strict stance against backtalk from my children, believing that it’s vital to teach them respect and accountability. While it can be a challenging journey, I know that setting boundaries and enforcing consequences is an essential part of their growth.