It’s amusing how parenting can be full of unexpected moments, from telling my sons, “Don’t wipe your nose on your sibling,” to the classic, “Stop using your fork as a toy.” Yet, despite the numerous surprises that come my way, I can confidently say there’s one phrase that will never escape my lips when talking to my boys: “Be a man.”
While society goes to great lengths to empower girls, encouraging them to pursue any path they desire, boys face a different narrative. They are often socialized to embody traits of dominance, toughness, and emotional restraint. If they display emotions that are deemed “feminine,” they risk being labeled as weak or inferior. This is not only unjust but detrimental to their emotional well-being.
As a mother of four sons, I know they are inherently sweet, caring, and full of emotions. They experience the same insecurities, fears, and sadness that everyone does, yet many boys are pressured to suppress these feelings in the name of masculinity. This emotional repression doesn’t simply vanish; it builds up inside, often leading to frustration or anger. A boy who struggles with his emotions risks being chastised with comments like, “Be a man” or “Don’t be a wimp.”
In contrast, I’ve always had the freedom to express my feelings openly. I’ve cried in response to heartbreak or injustice, and no one has ever told me to hold back. If a man were to display the same vulnerability, he might be judged harshly. By urging boys to bottle up their emotions, we hinder their ability to connect with others. They cannot fully understand or empathize with the feelings of those around them if they are not in touch with their own emotions.
It’s crucial to grant our sons the freedom to express their feelings without fear of judgment. I will never tell them to hide their tears or dismiss their interests as “not for boys.” For instance, when my youngest son chose to wear sparkly My Little Pony Crocs, he wore them with pride until a peer suggested they were for girls. I reassured him that he should love what he loves, regardless of what others think. Personal preferences should not be confined by gender stereotypes.
This is why I refuse to tell my sons to “be a man.” As long as society equates sensitivity and compassion with femininity, we do a disservice to all children. We all share equal emotional experiences, and everyone should have the right to express them freely. Boys can be warm, loving, and sensitive without being made to feel lesser.
It’s about time we redefine what it means to be a man, promoting a more inclusive understanding of masculinity.
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Summary
In this piece, Jenna Lawson shares her commitment to allowing her sons to express their emotions freely, rejecting the traditional idea of telling boys to “man up.” She emphasizes the importance of dismantling gender stereotypes that pressure boys to hide their feelings, advocating for a more compassionate and inclusive understanding of masculinity.