In today’s world, phrases like “toughen up,” “grow a pair,” and “stop acting like a wimp” are commonplace. These expressions resonate deeply with me, as my goal is to raise sons who are not only strong and capable but also kind and confident. To me, true strength lies in being secure in one’s identity, being open about emotions, and feeling free to express joy, sadness, or fear without fear of judgment. I want my boys to discard the societal mask that dictates how they should behave based on outdated notions of masculinity.
Encouraging my sons to “man up” is as harmful as telling my daughters to “act like a lady.” It’s essential to understand that feelings are personal and should be respected. No one should dictate how a boy should feel. Emotions like sadness, grief, and guilt are universal human experiences. If we teach our boys to suppress these feelings, we inadvertently convey that they are unworthy and should be ashamed of their emotions. This shame leads to anger, frustration, and emotional turmoil.
Boys can embody both empathy and toughness. They can express joy through dance and cheer while also shedding tears when hurt. If they feel compelled to suppress their true selves to conform to a stereotype of masculinity, who benefits from that? It disrupts their self-identity. Being strong doesn’t mean forgoing vulnerability. You can be a protector and still need protection.
Imagine wanting to express your feelings or seeking help but feeling unable to do so because “real men don’t cry.” This mindset can lead to emotional struggles later in life. While therapy is valuable, I refuse to allow my sons to reach adulthood feeling like they had to hide their authentic selves.
Moreover, using phrases like “man up” sends a detrimental message to girls, suggesting that women are inherently weaker or less capable. It’s crucial to challenge this notion, promoting the idea that strength is not gender-specific.
From a young age, boys and girls express their emotions equally. They explore their identities freely until societal pressures dictate otherwise. Such societal conditioning teaches boys that asking questions or showing vulnerability is a sign of weakness. The expectation that men must always be in control is a flawed definition of masculinity. The true measure of a man lies in his ability to handle emotions responsibly.
I recognize that the phrase “man up” often originates from older generations raised with rigid ideas about masculinity. While they may not know any better, we do. I aspire for my sons to experience life without the burden of such outdated ideals. I will never tell them to “toughen up” or to simply “handle it.” My focus is on nurturing their authentic selves, encouraging open discussions about their feelings just as I would with my daughter, even if they initially resist.
There is inherent strength in self-expression, and my aim is to raise confident children, regardless of gender. For more insights on parenting and home insemination, check out this resource. An excellent resource for understanding pregnancy can be found at March of Dimes.
In summary, I will strive to foster an environment where my sons feel safe to express who they are without fear of judgment. Emotional openness is a strength, not a weakness, and it’s vital for their growth.