Let me share a moment when I tossed aside all sense of decorum. It’s been a challenging year for many of us. Thankfully, my family has been fortunate—no COVID cases, steady jobs, and our little ones (now aged three and five) were safe, with daycare reopening halfway through the pandemic. Yet, we’re utterly exhausted, collapsing into bed each night like tired elephants. This past year has been particularly strange for our kids, trying to understand why we were home so much and navigating virtual daycare. How do you convince a three-year-old to sit still in front of a screen when their toys are right there? All the juice boxes and popcorn only bought us a few moments of peace. My four-year-old even sighed one day, “Remember going places?”
In our desperation to get through, we tried everything—tea parties, more screen time, takeout, Science Sundays, shaving cream baths, and even “spa nights” with zucchini slices on our eyes when cucumbers were nowhere to be found. We binged every Disney movie imaginable. Lion King 1.75? Yes, please!
As a child psychologist, I empathized deeply with my clients, often saying, “This is SO HARD” in my best professional tone while frantically managing my own family’s needs. My five-year-old, let’s call her Lucy, faced her own challenges with social interaction. Last weekend, a friend from daycare invited us over for an outdoor playdate. Lucy was over the moon, bouncing in her seat, barely paying attention to the podcast we were listening to. We packed all the essentials: sunscreen, bathing suit, water bottle, towel. I thought we were prepared. But once we arrived, Lucy’s demeanor changed.
Typically an outgoing child, Lucy surprised me by clinging to my hand, looking frightened. “Do you want me to help you say hi to your friends?” I suggested. She hesitated and eventually approached her peers, who were engrossed in fun activities like slip-n-slide and water play. In the softest voice I had ever heard from her, she asked, “Do you want to play with me?” The answer was always a no—no one wanted to interrupt their fun. My heart ached for her.
Unsure how to support her, I felt a surge of desperation. I watched her struggle, and then I asked, “Want to play with me?” She paused, contemplating. In that moment, I decided to let go of my inhibitions. I looked at the other parents, happily chatting while their kids played. Taking a deep breath, I set my phone aside, kicked off my flip-flops, and declared, “I’m doing this!” Then, I took off running into the sprinkler.
What was I doing? I sprinted, glasses fogging up, mud squishing beneath my feet, and hair flopping like a wet puppy. But oh, that cool water felt invigorating! Suddenly, Lucy and I were laughing and running together, and soon, other kids joined us, creating a joyful chaos of free-spirited play.
The day Lucy was born, I had an unexpected revelation: “I’d fight a bear for this kid.” Parenting is incredibly strange, challenging, and yet the most fulfilling experience I’ve ever had. My dad once told me that having a child makes your heart live outside your body. This past year, I felt that more than ever—every scratch and triumph echoed through me.
I’ve cried numerous times this year, feeling the weight of loss experienced by many due to COVID and other injustices. Sometimes, my emotions are so overwhelming that I just have to breathe through them. However, I’ve also experienced countless moments of joy and triumph. Ultimately, I’d choose those joyful moments over any semblance of decorum. So, next time you see me, you’ll find me in the sprinkler, running wild and free.
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Summary:
This piece reflects on the challenges of parenting during a pandemic, highlighting the emotional struggles faced by both parents and children. It recounts a playdate where the author, feeling a loss of dignity, joyfully ran through sprinklers with her daughter, embracing the moment. The author emphasizes the importance of joy over decorum and shares insights about parenting and community support.