As a proud product of the ’80s, I have an affinity for all things from what I believe to be the greatest decade ever. Back then, my hair was a testament to the power of Aqua Net, and I proudly sported multiple pairs of socks with my white Keds. My trusty jean jacket still holds a place in my wardrobe, and I have no shame in busting a move to “Hangin’ Tough” by New Kids on the Block in the grocery store.
There’s nothing quite like settling in to watch those iconic ’80s films that defined my childhood and formed a part of my generation’s lexicon. Just hearing the first notes of “Don’t You (Forget About Me)” by Simple Minds instantly transports me back to Judd Nelson’s unforgettable role in The Breakfast Club.
Once my kids came along, I eagerly anticipated sharing my cherished ’80s classics with them. I hoped they’d feel the thrill I experienced when John Cusack raised that boombox high or the joy when Jake Ryan whispered “Yeah, you!” to Samantha in Sixteen Candles. Primarily, I wished for them to adore Steel Magnolias as much as I do.
When my kids were finally old enough, my partner and I decided to kick off our nostalgic journey with Spaceballs, thinking it would be a hit since our son was obsessed with Star Wars. Rick Moranis’s hilarious portrayal of Dark Helmet seemed like the perfect introduction to our favorite films. We snuggled on the couch, popcorn in hand, but soon realized we had made a grave error.
I completely overlooked the sheer amount of profanity and suggestive humor in Spaceballs. As the movie progressed, my partner and I exchanged anxious glances while fielding questions about chastity belts. To our dismay, one of our beloved films had turned into our most significant parenting blunder: our kids were utterly amused by the frequent use of “asshole.” Thanks for that, Moranis.
It became clear that ’80s movies might require a more cautionary label than what the MPAA provides. They should come with a parent-to-parent advisory, detailing the unexpected sex education your child might receive while watching. Parents should be aware of how many times their little ones might hear the F-bomb when deciding on a family movie. Here are a few heads-ups:
Doc Hollywood
Who wouldn’t enjoy a romantic comedy with Michael J. Fox as a plastic surgeon who takes a wrong turn en route to a prestigious job? It’s delightful—until your child witnesses full nudity as the female lead emerges from a lake and takes forever to cover up. I love you, MJF, but my kid’s question about why my body didn’t look like that actress’s was too much to handle.
National Lampoon’s Vacation
We’ve all had our share of chaotic family trips, but unless you want your kids to see Chevy Chase getting a lap dance from his wife or Christie Brinkley swimming sans clothes, it’s wise to postpone this one—no matter how hilarious John Candy is as a security guard.
Stand By Me
This coming-of-age classic has a special place in my heart, but it revolves around four boys searching for a dead body. What were our parents thinking letting us watch this?
Edward Scissorhands
If you want your kids to wake up screaming from nightmares involving a goth man with scissors for hands, then by all means, watch Edward Scissorhands.
Ghostbusters
I can’t believe I forgot about Dan Aykroyd’s ghostly lap dance. If you think it’s awkward to watch your teenage son chuckling at a scene where a Ghostbuster gets aroused by a ghost, you would be right.
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
While I’d love to make a “phony phone call to Ed Rooney,” realizing this film glorifies skipping school and deceiving parents is disheartening. And again, the swearing! I don’t recall Ferris being so foul-mouthed.
The Breakfast Club
Hey, Claire, Allison, Andrew, John, and Brian? You all owe me five Saturdays in detention for your explicit language and inappropriate discussions in front of my tweens. Still love you, though!
E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial
You might think a film about a sweet alien living in a child’s closet is harmless, but when Elliott yells “penis breath” at dinner, you’ll be clutching your pearls.
Our generation produced some of the best—and worst—films of our time, making it hard not to want to share them with our kids. Watching them connect with the same moments I cherished at their age or light up at scenes that resonated with me is a nostalgic joy. However, it’s clear that it’s not all wonderful, especially when you realize you have to wait until your kids are old enough to enjoy Sixteen Candles before they can join you on the couch. See what I did there?
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In summary, revisiting ’80s films through the lens of parenthood can be quite the eye-opener. While my nostalgia runs deep, sharing these classics with my children has revealed just how much I overlooked back in the day.