I was undeniably happier during my marriage. Even in the tumultuous final years, I found more joy then than I do now. Let me clarify why.
As a full-time mom for many years, my primary concerns revolved around my children. My ex-husband managed the finances while I focused on their well-being. My days were filled with reminders about library books and planning weekend dinners. Life was comfortable. I didn’t fret over mortgage payments because he ensured those were taken care of, and if issues arose with the kids, he stepped in to help. Home repairs? He knew the right people to call. I relished the ability to share the burdens—there was a sense of safety that came with being part of a team.
I lived in a bubble, and I recognized it. My happiness was tied to not having to confront challenges alone, especially as a divorced woman. I didn’t have to think about dating again or managing repairs around the house. I didn’t miss my children as much since they were with me full-time. Comfort made me complacent, and I stayed in my marriage longer than I should have, clinging to that sense of security.
However, I knew that leaving the marriage would mean facing vulnerability and uncertainty. I would have to tackle issues alone that I previously shared. If the dishwasher broke or I fell ill with the kids at home, it would be solely on me. The move towards independence has demanded more effort—whether in parenting, my career, or personal growth.
Admittedly, this transition hasn’t been easy. I no longer have that sense of security; if I hear a noise at night, there’s no one to turn to for reassurance. If I can’t sleep, I face it alone. If I miss a job opportunity, I have to find a way to compensate for it. When I was married, I might have experienced more happiness, but my life is undeniably richer now.
The loss of comfort has propelled me to pursue paths I would have never considered while married. I’ve had to confront challenges and push myself beyond my limits, leading to personal growth I’m proud of. I recognized that if I remained in my previous life, I would miss out on my true potential.
Staying in a relationship that felt easy often prevented me from pursuing my own aspirations. I realize now that fear of change kept me stagnant. Breaking away from the familiar guarantees struggles, but it also breeds growth and resilience.
While ignorance may bring comfort, it doesn’t equate to true happiness. I may not feel the same joy I had in my marriage, but I am living a more authentic life. I am fiercely independent and have a newfound belief in myself. I can handle challenges with my children without relying on someone else, and I’ve rekindled friendships that had faded over the years.
Yes, my days can be tougher, and I wrestle with self-doubt and vulnerability more than before. However, I wouldn’t exchange this for the false sense of happiness that came from a life of complacency. Now, I understand that facing challenges head-on is what truly leads to a fulfilling existence.
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In summary, while I was happier when I was married, I now lead a life filled with authenticity, independence, and fulfillment. Embracing challenges has enabled me to grow into the person I was meant to be.