Last week, I took my daughter, Mia, and her close friend, Emma, to the mall. During the ride, Mia mentioned her course schedule and expressed her reluctance to take French 3 since it wasn’t mandatory. After struggling with the language for the past two years, she felt overwhelmed. Emma piped up from the backseat, “As you’re going to be a junior, you really need to load up on classes since that’s what colleges look at the most. I’m taking band even though I can’t stand it, just to boost my chances for college.“
As Emma continued to share reasons for sticking with French, I could see Mia’s stress levels rising. Mia enjoys her after-school job, cooking, and spending time with her pets. School has always been a challenge for her.
The conversation shifted to their senior projects, and I noticed Mia slipping into a state of panic. I gently reminded them that junior year hadn’t even started yet and emphasized the importance of taking things one step at a time.
I adore Emma and appreciate their friendship, even though she excels in honors classes and has lofty ambitions. Meanwhile, Mia is more laid-back, not interested in sports or clubs, and has no desire to go to great lengths to gain admission to a specific college.
Before we picked Emma up, she was busy with a singing lesson and brought her laptop to work on summer assignments for her honors program. Mia, on the other hand, had spent her morning playing with her animals and longboarding around the neighborhood. After working two jobs all summer, she was looking forward to her day off.
While Mia aspires to attend college, she’s not interested in enduring unnecessary stress. We’ve explored various activities, but forcing her to engage in what she doesn’t enjoy only makes her miserable, which isn’t beneficial for anyone involved.
I believe in the value of hard work, but I don’t want my children to feel overwhelmed during their teenage years to the point that it jeopardizes their quality of life or mental well-being. Mia has faced social anxiety and bouts of depression, so I won’t push her into doing something that could harm her mental health.
Every teen is unique; Emma thrives on her competitive teams and academic challenges, but Mia requires more downtime and doesn’t flourish in large groups. She finds joy in manageable schoolwork, time with animals, and earning money, which boosts her confidence and independence.
Life enrichment isn’t about overexerting ourselves to outshine others or meet societal expectations. It’s about discovering what truly brings us joy and fulfillment. I want my children to learn this early on. If they choose to invest extra effort in their college applications, I’ll remind them that happiness must come first.
Mia wants to pursue higher education, but there’s no need to let that ambition consume her. She doesn’t have to take French or tackle every requirement—college applications, scholarships, work, volunteering, internships—if it risks ruining her junior year.
Today’s educational landscape has become overwhelming, with students taking college courses in high school. I often wonder what they are trying to get ahead of. There’s plenty of time to figure things out. They are still kids.
Life is about doing your best and working hard, but it’s also about finding what makes you happy and fulfilled. Prioritizing mental health doesn’t equate to laziness; it’s about teaching Mia to value her well-being above all else. It’s better to walk away from something with her mental health intact than to finish a goal feeling burnt out and depressed.
Getting into college shouldn’t require frying our teenagers—or us—into a crisp.
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In summary, the focus should be on ensuring that teenagers like Mia prioritize their mental health and well-being over academic pressures. It’s essential for them to find fulfillment and happiness in their pursuits, rather than simply striving to meet external expectations.