During my pregnancy, as I meticulously folded tiny clothes and sanitized pacifiers, I found myself pondering what motherhood would truly entail. However, I overlooked a crucial aspect: the type of friendships I would need as a new mom. I hadn’t anticipated that my pre-baby friendships would evolve, or that my single friends might struggle to relate to the exhaustion of sleepless nights with a newborn. I wasn’t prepared for how girls’ nights would take a backseat.
Becoming a mom often leads to a quest for a new support system, a community of individuals who are navigating the same chaotic journey of joy and challenges. The new mothers I meet at parks or coffee shops often fill the void left by those old friends. Suddenly, the women I encounter at parenting groups, who seem just as bewildered as I am, become my greatest source of comfort. Their expressions reassure me that I am not alone in this.
Cliques don’t just dissolve after school; they continue to exist in the workplace and seep into motherhood. If you’re fortunate, you find your tribe. Early on, I recognized the type of moms I wanted in my life, but finding them takes time. It’s worth the effort to surround myself with those who accept me in all my messy glory—because let’s face it, we’re all a little chaotic at times. I prefer to spend time with women who acknowledge this truth.
Motherhood can be overwhelming, and I don’t need another mom claiming that she has everything figured out while I’m struggling to manage my basic needs. No thanks.
Here’s what I seek in my mom tribe:
- You’re thrilled by a trip to Target, even if it’s just to grab a new feather duster. Sometimes, we might even treat ourselves to lattes during our outing. Conversations in my car, sharing stale soft pretzels, count just as much as a night out.
- You appreciate the finer things in life, like Italian leather, but you know that true happiness doesn’t hinge on material possessions. We can admire luxurious fabrics together, perhaps even encourage each other to indulge occasionally. Yet, you won’t scoff at my faux leather pants or discounted heels.
- You find joy in the small things, like when I bring you flowers from my garden or a handmade card from my kids for your birthday.
- You’re too busy focusing on your own children to judge others. You don’t care what Susan is wearing or how she feeds her kids; your priority is making sure your own kids are behaving.
- You share my taste in music and don’t mind that my kids can sing along to every Chainsmokers song.
- You need me in your life, and you’re open about what you’re experiencing. There’s no pretense in our friendship; we can be our true selves with each other.
- You keep secrets. I can share my wildest dreams about an old crush, and I know you won’t spill the beans. You’ll even text me if you see him out, and, in return, I’ll listen to your stories about the arguments you had with your partner.
- You offer honest advice when I ask for it, addressing tough issues head-on. You have the courage to challenge my perspective because you genuinely care about me.
- You are unapologetically yourself—raw and beautiful. You refuse to conform because you know you’re incredible, and your authenticity inspires me to embrace my true self as well. Together, we can be the moms and women we aspire to be.
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In summary, finding my mom tribe has been an essential part of my journey through motherhood. I cherish the connections with those who accept me fully, support me through the chaos, and celebrate the little moments with me.