I can see the judgment in your eyes, the way you believe I’m allowing my child to get away with anything. You probably think that what he really needs is a stern reprimand. I get it—if I were in your position, I might feel the same way. However, I’m navigating a different landscape, and there’s more to my situation than meets the eye.
My child struggles with a mood disorder, requiring a cocktail of medications just for him to face each day. For the first decade of his life, he was on a relentless mission to assert, “You can’t control me.” I made countless errors trying to enforce my authority as a parent, thinking that’s what was expected of me. But as I’ve learned more about raising a child with his unique challenges, my perspective has shifted.
I’ve come to realize that there are limitations to what I can manage. It’s impossible for me to force my child’s brain to function normally or to convince it to stop distorting reality. This is akin to expecting a child with physical disabilities to perform tasks that are simply beyond their capacity. My role is to influence what I can, but that won’t always align with your views on discipline.
Redefining Discipline
Discipline, at its core, should be about education. I’m not talking about teaching a lesson in the traditional sense. I mean true education that equips children for the complexities of life. The root of the word “discipline” is the Latin term disciplina, which translates to teaching and knowledge. This realization led me to ponder a crucial question: If my child isn’t learning, am I really disciplining him, or just imposing my will on a child with limitations? A child, regardless of their challenges, still deserves respect and understanding.
You might not always perceive it, but I do strive to instill discipline in my child. I aim to teach him critical thinking and the consequences of his actions. However, there are moments when frustration escalates into irrationality, rendering him incapable of clear thought. In such instances, how can any meaningful learning occur?
A Real-Life Example
Take yesterday, for example. He had ordered a new Nerf gun but came home to discover an email stating the shipment was delayed. For most children, this would be a minor inconvenience. Yet, for him, already overwhelmed by the pressures of a new school year, it was the final straw. He broke down and insisted we place another order. I attempted to explain that ordering from the same vendor wouldn’t resolve anything, but he was past the point of processing logic. Ultimately, I placed the second order. Was it silly? Yes. But refusing would have accomplished nothing but further distress for him and his siblings.
My instinct is to guide my son in navigating life’s challenges. However, when he reaches that threshold where rational thought is impossible, I choose to prioritize peace over discipline. So, if you find yourself judging my parenting style, understand that you may not see the whole picture. I’m operating under a different set of circumstances, doing my best with the hand I’ve been dealt.
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Conclusion
In summary, parenting a child with a mood disorder presents unique challenges that require understanding and flexibility. While I appreciate the perspectives of others, I must navigate my own path, prioritizing my child’s emotional well-being over conventional discipline.