I Truly Wanted to Attend Your Gathering!

For the third time this year, I’ve sent in my RSVP to a gathering and then, to my embarrassment, didn’t show up. In my defense, these were all large get-togethers—cocktail drop-ins, Halloween parties, school fundraisers—events where I hoped my absence wouldn’t be too noticeable. Yet, my yes-then-no pattern weighs heavily on my conscience. I’m not skipping out on a $150-a-plate wedding or an intimate dinner for six, but that hardly justifies my behavior. I’ve committed to attending. The hosts were counting on me. And honestly, I did want to go!

What complicates things further is that I pride myself on good manners and etiquette. I still handwrite my holiday cards, believing that a personal touch matters. I take the time to craft thoughtful thank-you notes and heartfelt letters of condolence when the occasion arises. I’ve never missed a volunteer shift or a carpool commitment without a very compelling reason.

So how is it that I—someone who understands the rudeness of not showing up—finds myself acting this way? Not long ago, the monotony of diaper changes, grilled cheese sandwiches, and soothing tantrums made me yearn for social interaction. I was eager to attend any event—whether it was a fundraiser for the March of Dimes or a tea for my neighbor’s dog. Spending time with articulate adults was a refreshing break.

Now, however, my world has changed. My children are growing up—they’re off doing homework, sports, and hanging out with friends. My life has transformed from one of seeking social outings to craving quiet moments at home.

When I receive an invitation, it often starts with excitement. I love these hosts, and the guest list looks fun! But as the day of the event approaches, my energy wanes. After a week filled with work, errands, and countless car rides for my kids’ activities, I find myself drained. When my family finally gathers at home, I realize it’s the first time all week I’ve truly seen them. It feels surreal.

This is when I start to second-guess my plans. Wouldn’t it be nice to just relax with my family? I’ve been feeling a bit self-conscious about my appearance, and let’s face it, it’s too cold for my one cute pair of shoes. Plus, I’m exhausted. I even woke up early to squeeze in a workout before the day began.

Then the little voice in my head kicks in. No one will really miss me, right? They probably don’t even enjoy my company that much; I might talk too much or eat too many chips. They’d be better off without me there, wouldn’t they?

But the truth is, what keeps me home during these social events is the desire to cherish family time while I can. If I pause to reflect on how quickly the years are passing, my heart aches. My sons are growing so fast; in just three years, my oldest will head off to college. Face-to-face time is fleeting, and here he is, wanting to watch a movie with me on a Friday night.

It’s all too easy to sink into the comfort of my sweats on the couch, surrounded by my boys. So for now, I find myself missing out on parties. I know I should probably just RSVP “no,” but I genuinely intend to attend. And while I usually do make it to the events I commit to, there are times I don’t. Perhaps the key is accepting that sometimes, family moments take precedence over social obligations. I trust that the hosts might understand if they find themselves in a similar situation one day.

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Summary:

Navigating the balance between social obligations and family time can be challenging for parents. Many find themselves torn between attending gatherings and cherishing moments with their loved ones. While the desire to socialize remains, the pull of family life often takes precedence. Accepting this reality can alleviate some of the guilt that comes with missing events.

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