I was determined to keep our baby’s name a secret—to the point of going to extraordinary measures. Sure, “stolen” might seem like an extreme term, but anyone who has had a name they loved snatched away by a friend or relative for their own child knows the feeling. It’s disheartening, and it’s more common than you’d think.
With four children in our family, naming our first two was a breeze. As we were a family formed through adoption, we had only a few hours to name our daughters. We hadn’t even met them yet, but we needed a name for the legal paperwork. After some quick brainstorming during our wait, we reached a consensus. Once we finalized the names, we excitedly shared the news with family and friends.
Fast forward to the arrival of our third child, a son. This time, we had two months to choose a name, and as someone who loves to plan, I dove into the task with enthusiasm. I thought it would be fun to involve my family in the naming process. During a family dinner, I excitedly revealed my favorite name: Clark, inspired by Clark Kent. Instead of applause, I was met with sighs and eye rolls. My family seized on the idea and suggested their own preferences.
My mother was adamant about choosing a Biblical name, which left me not too keen on Leviticus or Obadiah. My younger sister, who wanted to start her own family, leaned toward nature-inspired names, but I couldn’t picture a child named Lake or Pine. My brother, who once insisted we call him Rocky, proposed names based on historical figures. Again, names like Abraham and Martin didn’t resonate with me.
I preferred unique names that weren’t overly popular. I didn’t want my son to be just another Aiden in his class. Vintage names, creative spellings, and made-up names were more my style. The suggestions from my family kept rolling in right up until my son was born. I found myself overwhelmed and frustrated; as a former teacher, certain names brought back memories of past students.
Eventually, I told everyone we were naming our son Steven Jr. after my husband—completely false, but it did the trick. This wasn’t my proudest moment, but I was under enough stress with the adoption process without adding to it by debating names with my cousin. Plus, who could argue against naming a child after a parent?
When it was time to adopt our fourth child, we had a full four months to settle on a name. This time, though, it was just my husband and me making the decision. No input from the family; I couldn’t handle any more negative feedback. We visited bookstores, scoured baby name websites, and researched meanings and variations extensively. Once we finally chose the name we loved for our daughter, we ordered a beautiful gold vinyl to display on her nursery wall.
Once the wall decoration arrived, I couldn’t resist sending a picture to her biological mother for approval. However, I quickly covered the name with white paper—after all, I wanted to keep it a secret until she arrived. This drove my family crazy. My mom urged me to share the name so she could start personalizing gifts for her grandchild. I stood firm, fully aware that my mom would love any name we chose because it meant another grandkid.
Until the adoptions were finalized, we kept our babies’ names to ourselves. I referred to them simply as “the baby” to avoid revealing the name. Despite numerous attempts from friends and family to coax me into sharing, I only slipped once to my best friend after making her promise to keep it under wraps. The truth is, I worried that sharing the name too early could lead to heartache if anything went wrong with the adoption. Using “the baby” protected both our chosen name and our hearts. I didn’t want to risk someone else falling in love with the name we picked, especially if they were expecting a child themselves.
Ultimately, when naming your child, go with what feels right for you. If you choose to share the name before birth, be prepared for opinions that might dampen your excitement. If someone tries to rain on your parade, remind them that they’re free to pick any name they like for their own kids. What you choose is yours alone—not up for debate or theft. For more insights into this topic, check out this informative article or this resource on infertility.
In summary, keeping our baby’s name a secret was a journey of its own. Through the ups and downs of family discussions and the pressure of outside opinions, we ultimately learned to trust our instincts and protect our choices until the perfect moment.