Recently, my 9-year-old son, Max, announced that he wanted to shave part of his head. “Just a section,” he clarified, as he playfully parted his hair to demonstrate. My first instinct was to take a deep breath and count to three. This was unexpected! However, I quickly recalled the mantra I’ve instilled in him since he first expressed a desire to change his appearance at the tender age of 4: “Your body belongs to you.” I emphasized, “No one gets to decide about your body except you, not even me.” And then, “You are amazing, no matter what.”
The reality is, Max will navigate a lifetime filled with messages from others about how he should dress and style his hair. He will encounter opinions from peers, adults, and the broader society telling him how he should look, act, and express himself to be deemed desirable.
In countless small moments, the world will try to convince him that his self-worth and beauty are tied to the perceptions of others rather than his own feelings. He’ll face constant pressure to conform and make choices about his body based not on his own desires, but on what he believes is “acceptable” in the eyes of those around him. I refuse to be the person who teaches him to succumb to this pressure. Instead, I want to empower him to resist it.
I granted Max autonomy over his body when he was just 4 years old. Our household mantra has become: “Your body, your choice.” There have been times this has challenged me as a parent. When he opted to get his ears pierced, I agreed. When he wanted to dye his hair vibrant colors, I supported that too. Even when he chooses outfits that clash or prefers to run around without clothes, I hold my tongue. When he says he doesn’t want to hug someone or asks for a break during play, I respect his wishes.
I remind him regularly that he is the sole owner of his body, and that others have no right to dictate his choices. I encourage him to always look inward and discern what feels right for him, what he considers beautiful, and what makes him feel safe and loved. I instill in him the power to say yes or no and, most importantly, that the answers lie within himself—not in anyone else.
So, when Max decided he wanted to partially shave his head last week, I echoed my usual sentiment: “Your body, your choice.” Watching him make this decision stirred anxiety in me. What if he faced ridicule? What if he regretted it? But I also felt immense pride in my son, who understood that some might label his new hairstyle as strange or unattractive yet didn’t let that deter him.
I trusted his ability to embrace this decision as his own, knowing he would learn from it, even if he woke up regretting it the next day. He checked in with himself first, making a thoughtful choice from a place of empowerment and alignment with his values. He was claiming his body and his vision of beauty with confidence and poise.
In the grand scheme, it’s just hair, and he’s only 9. The consequences of shaving his head or dyeing it an outrageous color are minimal. And let’s be honest—there would be no noticeable repercussions if I told him he couldn’t do those things either. However, what we often overlook in parenting is that these moments are practice for when they grow up and face the world as adults.
I can’t help but wonder how Max will respond when someone insists he needs to change, compromise his values, or alter his comfort to please others. Will he have the strength to say no when pressured to modify his body or use it in ways that feel wrong to him? This is not a matter of if, but when.
Our young boys don’t magically acquire the strength to set boundaries, advocate for themselves, or believe they are worthy no matter what. These skills must be nurtured when they are young, or they risk being unprepared for adult challenges.
What messages are you conveying to young boys about beauty and consent? What insights do you wish you had received as a child? By challenging the narratives directed at boys, we enable them to grow into confident men who understand their value.
If you’re interested in more insights on fostering autonomy and self-worth, check out our other blog post about home insemination kits at Make a Mom. For authoritative resources on important topics like Rhogam, visit Rhogam Information. And if you’re looking for comprehensive support on pregnancy and home insemination, WebMD offers an excellent resource.
In summary, empowering children to own their bodies and decisions is crucial. It prepares them to navigate societal pressures and reinforces their self-worth, enabling them to stand strong as they grow into adulthood.