I couldn’t stand hearing my own voice first thing in the morning.
“Get out of bed in 1… 2…”
“Brush your teeth!”
“We’re going to be late!”
You know how it goes. As a yoga instructor, I rise early to meditate, but the madness of the morning routine was negating any calm I had cultivated. Despite my best efforts, my two sons, ages 6 and 8, still moved at a snail’s pace. Then, earlier this spring, I made a decision: no more nagging. I would keep my comments to myself — with notable bite marks to prove it — regardless of how late they were to school. And it made a remarkable difference.
Before this epiphany, I’d tried various failed strategies to get my sons ready on time: bribing them, imposing restrictions on their spending money and screen time, even taking away dessert (I know, not ideal). I crafted minute-by-minute schedules that we never stuck to, and experimented with different wake-up times. I even enlisted my husband for help, but he was just as exasperated, often running late for work himself.
So, I decided to step back and see what would happen. The rules of my no-nagging challenge were straightforward: I wouldn’t be a nuisance while they got ready. If that meant we missed the bus, they would face the natural consequences at school. After all, how crucial is punctuality for kindergarten and second grade? It wasn’t worth sacrificing our relationship or my self-respect.
I had two advantages: I work for myself, and my kids actually wanted to reach school on time. My older son, while easily distracted, is a stickler for being punctual, and my younger son, although slow at breakfast, hates missing the kindergarten’s morning greeting. Some of my friends worry that without nagging, their kids would miss school altogether.
Since my boys were born, I have struggled with getting us out the door. When the last car seat buckle clicked, I felt I had earned a medal. A part of me welcomed the pandemic’s onset, as it eliminated the morning chaos. After a year and a half of remote learning, the thought of returning to our old routine filled me with dread.
Surprisingly, biting my tongue wasn’t as difficult as I anticipated, except on days when I was particularly sleep-deprived. I practiced deep breathing and kept myself busy with household chores while the boys dawdled. I attempted gentle reminders, like asking my 8-year-old when he was still engrossed in the dictionary long after we were supposed to leave.
“Hey, what are you up to?”
“Oh, right. I should probably brush my teeth.”
For nearly two weeks, we arrived at school anywhere from five to 25 minutes late. It wasn’t catastrophic. Then, two friends suggested using timers after they saw my updates on Instagram. I shared the idea with my boys, and my older son took to it immediately. He set alarms on the iPad for every ten minutes starting an hour before we needed to leave. He became responsible for disabling them, which helped him keep track of time.
And guess what? It worked! In the last two school days before spring break, we were no more than three minutes late. I worried that the routine would fall apart after the holiday, but so far, it has held. I’ve replaced phrases like “Pick up your dirty clothes!” with “I see clothes on the floor.” Maintaining this mindfulness is more challenging in the evenings when everyone is tired and toy cleanup becomes a battleground. I still haven’t figured out how to deal with a grumpy child throwing a tantrum or another who’s anxious about playground drama.
Overall, however, it has been a tremendous success. My older son has even taken on the role of drill sergeant if he thinks his brother or I are lagging behind. This approach has been more effective than my nagging — the little one is more inclined to please his big brother than me. One morning, they even earned five minutes of screen time because they were ahead of schedule, while I merely got to be on time.
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Summary
By stopping my morning nagging, I transformed our chaotic routine into a more peaceful one, allowing my children to learn the consequences of their actions. Utilizing timers has helped us arrive at school on time while fostering independence among my sons. This shift has significantly improved our relationship and made mornings less stressful.
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