Have you ever considered what might happen if you decided to stop doing everything by yourself? What if you stopped being the first to change the baby, fetch a glass of water for a toddler, or schedule a doctor’s appointment for your partner?
What would be the outcome? Are you worried that chaos would ensue? Do you believe you’re the only one capable of doing these tasks correctly? Or do you feel obligated to handle everything because it’s your responsibility?
It’s time to reevaluate. What’s the worst-case scenario? Tasks might go unfinished, but the potential upside could be significant: what if someone else steps up and fills the void?
As mothers, we often bear the weight of the household on our shoulders. While it’s true that we frequently manage parenting and home responsibilities, the significance of our roles can sometimes be exaggerated, leading us to believe we must do it all. We might also find it simpler to handle everything ourselves rather than waiting for help.
There are numerous issues with trying to juggle everything. One well-known fact is that mothers often neglect their own needs in the process of raising children. However, there are compelling reasons to step back and allow others in the household to contribute or to encourage children to become more self-sufficient.
Partners Want to Help
From what I’ve observed, most partners are eager to assist. I used to be quite controlling, convinced I knew the best way to do everything, which resulted in me taking over most childcare tasks. The downside? My partner often felt disheartened and unsure of how to contribute, believing he could never do anything right. This led to him hesitating to take initiative when I expected him to.
I’ve made strides in this area recently, now that our kids are 2 and 4. Just the other day, while I was enjoying my lunch (as usual, after everyone else was done), I caught a whiff of a particularly pungent diaper. I had to resist the urge to abandon my meal and address it myself. Instead, my partner noticed I was still eating and took care of it without hesitation or complaints.
Another significant change I’ve embraced is scheduling personal time. I make plans for myself during evenings when my partner is available or set aside time on weekends for tasks that require uninterrupted focus. I don’t seek permission for this time because, aside from work commitments, the kids are a shared responsibility.
Empowering the Kids
The children also benefit from you stepping back. If you’re anything like me, you may be astonished at what they can accomplish independently. I used to do everything for my 4-year-old daughter, but now when I suggest she handle something she’s more than capable of—like dressing herself—she often responds with, “I don’t know how.”
I truly realized this when I enrolled my son in daycare at the age of one and observed how the teachers encouraged little ones to manage tasks independently. They even lay down by themselves for naps, something I had never attempted at home. Although we ultimately decided daycare wasn’t suitable for him, the experience was eye-opening.
Now, I actively encourage both kids to do as much as they can for themselves. I ensure they have enough time to complete tasks, understanding that they may not get it right immediately (or even on the second try). Patience and time are essential!
The Benefits
Since I stopped trying to do everything alone, I’ve witnessed remarkable changes within our family. My partner is more involved in helping the kids, spending quality time with them, and forming stronger connections.
Most importantly, the balance of meeting their needs, whether driven by the kids or by us, is becoming more equitable. While their growing independence plays a role, it is also a direct result of my decision to step away from the “do-it-all” mentality.
I’ve observed that the children feel empowered. They grasp the rhythm of our daily routines and actively participate in their own self-care. They are more open to learning and trying new things because of the positive environment we’re cultivating.
And the best part? I can finally catch my breath, read a book every now and then, and enjoy a hot meal that I can actually taste.
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Summary
By stepping back from the role of the sole caretaker, I discovered that my family did not fall apart but instead flourished. My partner became more engaged, and the kids learned to be more independent. This shift has allowed me to reclaim some personal time, ultimately leading to a healthier family dynamic.