I Stopped Apologizing for My Toddler’s Tantrums — And So Can You

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The “terrible twos” were a completely new experience for me—my first child skipped that phase and only went through a few sassy moments as a “three-nager.” But when my son hit the age of two, everything changed. My once timid baby transformed into a bundle of energy, climbing, running, jumping, and yelling “NO” at everything. I found myself wrestling with a tiny alligator during diaper changes and negotiating with a toddler over seemingly everything. Thus began the dreaded “terrible twos” that I had read about and feared.

I quickly dove into research—searching topics like “Is a two-nager a real thing?” and “How can I calm my angry toddler?” If you could see my Google search history during this period, it would take hours to go through. Ultimately, I reached a key realization: I needed to stop apologizing for my son’s energetic outbursts and tantrums, and here’s why.

It turns out that high energy, defiance, and tantrums are all typical behaviors for two-year-olds. During this time, as much as we might question our parenting skills and wonder why our kids don’t listen, it’s important to recognize that their behavior isn’t a reflection of our parenting.

Children are developing rapidly at this age, and while they are learning to listen, it takes time for their brains to catch up. Armed with this understanding and some strategies to help my son cope, I felt empowered to refrain from apologizing whenever he screeched in a grocery store or melted down in the aisles of Target. Despite my embarrassment and urge to cry, I reminded myself that my son was simply being a two-year-old.

As parents, we often find ourselves apologizing for our children’s actions and blaming ourselves for their behavior. I know I did. It’s easy to feel judged and question our parenting abilities. However, these little ones are just acting like normal toddlers, engaging in typical developmental behaviors, and anyone who has parented a two-year-old can relate.

While I’m not condoning misbehavior—since many factors contribute to how a child acts at this age—I believe that my child isn’t intentionally trying to upset me by not listening. The early years are crucial for our kids’ first lessons on how to navigate life. My son is still very much a baby, struggling to manage his emotions, which can sometimes be beyond my control. It’s frustrating to see comments on parenting forums that suggest, “You’ve failed as a mother because your one-year-old should know better.” I continue to be amazed at how society expects babies to stop crying, control tantrums, and sleep through the night effortlessly. If parenting were that simple, we wouldn’t all be overwhelmed by its challenges.

Next time you encounter a parent grappling with a two-year-old throwing a tantrum or acting out, offer them support with a kind smile or a simple, “You’re doing a great job.” Remember, a child’s behavior doesn’t reflect on their parenting.

Let’s stop apologizing for our children’s developmentally appropriate behavior. We can’t expect kids to manage their emotions perfectly when many adults struggle with it too. The pressure we place on both children and parents only complicates the experience of growing up and raising kids. Instead of apologizing, let’s support each other through these challenges.

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In summary, the journey through the “terrible twos” can be daunting, but recognizing that tantrums and high energy are normal can lift the burden of guilt from parents. Instead of feeling judged or apologetic, let’s embrace the chaos and support one another as we navigate this phase together.