For years, my partner and I have struggled to openly discuss our intimate life—decades, in fact. There are countless reasons I could list, like raising children, health challenges, and our family backgrounds—mine being outspoken and his more reserved. However, none of these justifications hold water. Addressing our desires and needs in the bedroom is just as crucial as discussing finances, parenting, and careers.
One day, I decided enough was enough. We have a loving and respectful relationship, share household responsibilities, and co-parent effectively. So, why couldn’t we just have a straightforward conversation about sex? The truth is, we rarely engage in intimacy, partly because I often don’t feel inclined to during two of the four weeks each month. As a feminist, I’ve always believed I don’t owe anyone an explanation for my lack of desire, including my husband. Yet, this mindset led to disappointment and frustration for both of us.
During my PMS week, or the days leading up to my period, I’m usually cranky, crampy, and feeling less than sexy. Honestly, I’d rather lounge in sweatpants and eat cookies than engage in intimacy. The week of my actual period is no better. While it used to be a relatively mild five-day affair, it has now stretched to a painful seven days, complete with all the necessary supplies and a heating pad. The thought of intimacy during this time is about as appealing as watching paint dry.
This leaves me with two weeks of the month, which I like to call my “happy weeks.” During this time, I feel energized, confident, and ready for intimacy. It’s during this period that I finally decided to communicate with my husband. One evening, while we were unwinding with a show, I took a deep breath and revealed my “sex window” to him. His initial look of panic transformed into curiosity as I explained that I only feel up for intimacy two weeks a month—the week after my period and the one following. We joked about ways to communicate my cycle, but ultimately settled on a simple method: he could just ask, “Week?” and I would respond with a number. If it’s one or two, we’re good to go; if it’s three or four, he knows to take care of himself.
Some may find this approach unconventional. I’ve heard of women who would never deny intimacy to their partners for fear they might seek it elsewhere. I’m not concerned about that, nor do I subscribe to the idea of faking enthusiasm. I value authenticity, especially in my own body.
While I like to joke that we’re just an old married couple, there’s a comfort in our security and shared history. We don’t have a perfect marriage, but establishing a clear “sex window” has made our conversations about intimacy feel much more manageable. Life is busy, and like many couples, we often overlook the importance of discussing difficult subjects, including those related to intimacy.
Simplifying our approach to intimacy has been a welcome relief. Now, there’s no need for elaborate explanations or mixed signals.
If you’re interested in more insights about relationships and family planning, check out this blog post and for expert advice, visit this authority on the topic. Additionally, WebMD provides excellent resources for pregnancy and home insemination.
Search Queries:
- How to communicate about intimacy
- Understanding menstrual cycles and intimacy
- Tips for improving sexual communication
- Coping with PMS and relationships
- Creating a healthy sex life
Summary:
The author shares her journey of improving communication about intimacy with her partner by defining a “sex window.” This candid conversation has alleviated frustration and disappointment in their relationship, allowing for clearer expectations and better mutual understanding. By openly discussing her menstrual cycle and needs, they have created a more harmonious approach to intimacy.