I’m not alone in my experience; a significant number of pregnant women—between 14% and 23%—face depression. I didn’t just feel a bit down; I was engulfed in a relentless wave of despair—panic attacks, thoughts of self-harm, and tears that seemed never-ending. Though I had battled mental health issues throughout my life, this felt like a new and terrifying beast, magnified by the life growing within me.
Initially, I was prescribed a mild anti-anxiety medication, but eventually, I needed something stronger: the SSRI Zoloft. Like many expectant mothers, the idea of taking medication during pregnancy was daunting. However, the potential dangers of untreated depression for both my child and myself outweighed my fears. It turns out that, as of 2010, 1 in 4 women are on antidepressants, and many of us moms rely on various medications to help us navigate parenting while dealing with mental illness.
Despite the prevalence of medication use, there is still a heavy sense of shame that comes with admitting we need help. Society often equates mental stability with moral integrity, leading us to believe that if we were better people, we wouldn’t struggle with basic parenting tasks that others seem to handle effortlessly. When our toddlers throw tantrums, or we forget to pack a lunch, we can feel like failures, especially when our patience runs thin and we snap at our kids. This overwhelming stress can make it feel like we are constantly hanging by a thread.
Anxiety compounds this stress. We become masters of the “what-if” game, worrying about everything from our child getting sick to potential disasters on the road. These thoughts can send us spiraling into panic, making it hard to focus on anything else—like finding life insurance policies at 2 a.m. to ensure our children are cared for.
The statistics on maternal mental health tell a troubling story. The UK’s Joint Commissioning Panel for Mental Health estimates that about 3% of mothers will experience severe depression, while 10-15% may face mild to moderate depressive episodes and anxiety. I belong to that unfortunate 0.2%—after the birth of my third son, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, treatment-resistant depression, generalized anxiety disorder, and ADHD. Now, my dependence extends beyond a single SSRI to a complex regimen of medications, including those for depression, bipolar disorder, ADHD, and anxiety. Without them, I might lash out at my children over minor inconveniences, and that’s not the kind of parent I want to be.
Some may view my reliance on medication as a weakness, a sign that I lack the strength to cope. However, as a blogger named Jamie observes, the term “crutch” is often misused. These medications are tools that assist us in managing our disabilities, and mental illness is undeniably a disability. No one would suggest I stop taking insulin if I had diabetes, yet there’s a stigma surrounding psychiatric medications that can make me feel ashamed. I often wonder how my children will perceive me—will they remember me as their loving mom, or only as someone who struggled with mental illness?
But despite these concerns, I know that I’m a better parent when I stick to my medication regimen. I actively work to mitigate the effects of my mental illness. I attend therapy, prioritize self-care, and engage in physical activity. Yet, the most crucial element of my parenting toolkit is my medication. Just as someone with mobility issues might depend on a crutch, I need my meds to navigate the challenges of parenthood.
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In summary, relying on medication to parent isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s an acknowledgment of the challenges we face. We must recognize that mental illness is a disability and that seeking help is a strength, not a failing.