Parenting
By Jamie Carter
Updated: July 22, 2023
Originally Published: July 22, 2023
“Whenever you’re not in the mood to take your kid to the playground, just tell them it’s closed.” “If you’re at the store and your child is throwing a fit over wanting something, let them know it’s not for sale.” “If your teenage daughter keeps slamming her door and isolating herself when upset, why not just unscrew her door?”
These were just a few of the “brilliant” nuggets of wisdom I received from friends long before stepping into parenthood. I even knew a couple who would wrap their 5-year-old’s old toys and give them back to him during the holidays! Sure, that’s a bit extreme, and you can bet I’ll never adopt that method.
I was blissfully unaware that such “insightful” advice was a common part of the parenting experience. During my partner’s pregnancy, we heard things like, “Once you have a child, your life is over.” A more optimistic friend would counter with, “Once you have a child, your life truly begins.” If life both ends and starts again with a child, can we just agree that “Once you have a child, your life continues?”
Now, two months into fatherhood, I can confidently say it’s the most incredible gift imaginable. Yet, the most frustrating aspect of parenting is the barrage of unsolicited and often contradictory advice from others. “Don’t stress, it gets easier,” we hear a thousand times alongside the opposite sentiment, “Savor these moments of sleep; soon you’ll be chasing after him.”
And then, there are the “experienced” parents with multiple kids who declare, “It’s a whole different ball game with the second.” Really? You mean to tell me that having twice the kids changes the dynamic? Why isn’t this headline news?
Just last week, as we rode the elevator in our building—my partner cradling our 8-week-old son, and another couple with their daughter in a stroller—the mother, pregnant herself, gazed at our baby and whispered to her husband, “Remember when she was that small?” He chuckled, turned to us, and said, “You’re doing a fantastic job.”
My initial thought was, “How does he know? Is it because we’re not throwing our son around in this brief elevator ride? For all he knows, we could be feeding him candy and spiking his milk! Just because he’s been a parent for four years doesn’t give him the right to patronize us or judge our parenting skills.” I managed a polite “Thank you” before exiting the elevator.
Don’t misunderstand me; as a parent, I now recognize the urge to share your experiences. I find myself telling cab drivers and anyone within earshot about my son and posting countless pictures online—something I once scoffed at before joining this incredible community.
Text messages that used to revolve around wild dating escapades and sports updates have been replaced with discussions about diaper rash, blowouts, and sleep routines. I’ve noticed a sort of “stroller solidarity” as I push my son past other parents with similar gear. A knowing smile exchanged signifies, “Yep, I get it.” These are the same strollers I once complained about as obstacles, shouting, “It’s not a tank!” at those reckless parents speeding by.
Just yesterday, I shared a rideshare with a young mom and her five-year-old daughter. I know her age because the mother announced it for no apparent reason. Her curious daughter asked a barrage of questions: “Mommy, is the driver stopped because the light is red?” “Yes, my little genius, that’s exactly why.” Clearly, the standards are low for some parents.
While it may be amusing, I promise to never be the parent who heaps praise on their child for simply existing. I vow not to be the one who dispenses unsolicited advice to others. Instead of imposing my experiences on someone else, I’ll simply smile at their baby and offer a heartfelt “Congratulations.”
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In summary, embracing parenthood is an incredible journey filled with both joy and unsolicited advice. I aim to navigate this path without imposing my views on others, choosing instead to simply offer congratulations and share in the experience.