About two years ago, I made a significant shift in my parenting style by stopping the yelling. For a long time, I adhered to the belief that “If you’re not shouting at your kids, you’re not spending enough time with them.” It seemed to work for me; I often found myself justifying my raised voice toward my children, who tested my patience daily, while I was the primary caregiver.
Then, one day, I decided to quit yelling altogether. I metaphorically tossed my old habits aside and adopted a new, quieter approach. The atmosphere in our home transformed for the better. My children and I were all in a happier place. For a while, my no-yell approach felt like parenting gold. I would ask my kids once, twice, and by the third time, I’d signal my tone change with a playful warning, “Do you see how my voice is shifting? That’s when I’m about to raise my voice!” More often than not, they responded positively without needing a third reminder.
Before long, my kids had adapted to the new routine. They would jump into action at just two requests—cleaning out lunch boxes and brushing their teeth without needing further prompts. We resembled one of those perfect 1950s families, minus the poodle skirts and hair ribbons.
However, fast forward two years, and the dynamics have shifted dramatically. With two teenagers in the house, my previous strategies are falling short. Though I could raise my voice, it seems futile. They’ve grown accustomed to my calm approach, and I feel as if they’re walking all over me. This change leaves me wondering why my once peaceful parenting dream has crumbled.
The answer? Hormones.
Teenagers require a unique style of communication—yelling is no longer effective. The voice you need is akin to the one you’d use when trying to approach a sleeping tiger or gently navigating a scorpion perched on your partner’s face while they snooze. It’s a delicate balance that only parents of teens can master.
Unlike my previous interactions, my teenagers launch into verbal outbursts without the courtesy of warnings or gradual tone shifts. They scream like a kettle boiling over or a child with an upset stomach on a plane.
In my quest to promote a calm household, I’ve inadvertently untrained myself, leaving me ill-equipped to handle their volume. The serene environment I once enjoyed has turned chaotic. And there’s nothing more formidable than a teenager feeling scorned.
Let this serve as a cautionary tale for parents considering a yelling hiatus. It’s a decision you might come to regret when your teen raises their voice and you find yourself without the tools to cope. Remember the saying: “If you’re not yelling at your kids, you’re not spending enough time with them.” So embrace those moments, raise your voice, and prepare your little ones for the tumultuous teen years ahead.
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Summary
This article discusses the author’s decision to stop yelling at her kids, initially leading to a happier household. However, as her children grew into teenagers, she found that her calm approach was ineffective against their increased volume and rebellion. Reflecting on the challenges of parenting teens, she offers a cautionary message about the importance of finding a balance in discipline and communication.