One day, my friend stormed into my home, her toddler and baby in tow, both crying and complaining. “They’ve been absolutely dreadful today,” she lamented, ushering them into the living room. I felt her pain; I could relate all too well.
“Mine have been a handful too,” I replied, pointing to my youngest son, who stood beside me, looking innocent despite his recent behavior. “Is there a full moon or something? I’m so tired of the endless bickering.”
These exchanges are all too common among moms. We often vent about our kids, and since they’re usually right there, they overhear our gripes. I didn’t think much of it until a conversation with my husband made me rethink my words. “I’m such a lucky guy,” he said, wrapping his arms around me. He went on to express what he appreciates about me. Though I felt a bit shy, inside, I was beaming with pride.
That moment stuck with me, making me reflect on the times I complain about my children when they can hear me. It struck me that everyone—kids, partners, friends—needs to hear positive affirmations. My children should be hearing me celebrate their achievements, not just lament their misbehavior.
While I’m not outright criticizing them, talking about their less-than-stellar moments in front of others can’t be beneficial. They may not consciously register it, but it surely has an impact, much like inhaling polluted air or consuming unsafe water.
There’s something about overhearing someone praise you that feels more genuine than direct compliments. When someone praises you in front of others, it conveys, “I think you’re so remarkable, I want everyone to know.”
Consequently, I’ve become more mindful about my comments regarding my kids when they’re near. Does that mean I don’t vent to my husband or friends about their antics? Not at all. I’m human, and they can drive me crazy sometimes. But I make sure to do it when they aren’t around.
For instance, at my son’s recent basketball game, he paused to help a teammate who had fallen while the rest of the team kept playing. I made sure to share this moment with him in earshot of his dad and brothers, saying, “Jackson showed such great sportsmanship today. I’m really proud of him.”
By focusing on the positive in front of him, I hoped to counteract any negativity I may have inadvertently expressed before. The joy on his face as he soaked up the praise was all the affirmation I needed.
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In conclusion, public praise can significantly impact our children’s self-esteem and emotional well-being. By being more intentional with our words, we foster a supportive atmosphere that allows them to thrive.