Growing up in a small Southern town, I was surrounded by a culture that accepted spanking as a form of discipline. As a child, I knew that if I misbehaved, I had to be either clever or ready to choose my own switch. I didn’t often find myself in trouble, but the few times I did remain etched in my memory. I can vividly recall the long walk down the hallway to my room, filled with dread, stuffing my pajamas with washcloths, and covering my backside with my hands while pleading for mercy. Just thinking about it now makes my stomach churn.
It wasn’t until I became a mother that I truly reflected on the effects of spanking. On my first night home from the hospital with my baby boy, I held him in a rocking chair for hours, struck by how utterly vulnerable he was in my arms. In that moment, I realized the immense responsibility that came with motherhood. Tears streamed down my face as I whispered to him, “Mommy will never hurt you, I promise.”
Fast forward three years, and I found myself spanking my son for the first time. It happened spontaneously when he ran into the street. In a moment of panic, I grabbed his arm and hit his bottom. I’ll never forget the look on his face—confusion, anger, and betrayal. I quickly justified my actions in my mind, believing that tough love was necessary even when it felt wrong. I had heard the phrase “this hurts me more than it hurts you” so many times that I convinced myself it was true. Despite my inner conflict, I continued to physically discipline him.
However, instead of improving his behavior, my son’s actions only escalated. One day, he hit his little sister, and I was horrified. I raised my voice to admonish him, saying, “We do NOT hit in this family!” With tears in his eyes, he shot back, “But Mommy, you hit me!” His words cut deep, and that was the moment I began to question the logic of spanking. I comforted him, but the weight of guilt lingered throughout the day, solidifying my belief that what I had done was fundamentally wrong.
That evening, when my partner, Jake, came home, we had a candid discussion. Although we both grew up in families that practiced spanking, we realized it was not the path we wanted for our children. It had become a default behavior for us, stemming from our upbringing, but it didn’t sit right with either of us. After a heartfelt conversation, we both acknowledged that we viewed it as abusive. Heartbroken, we committed to making a change.
We spent hours researching the long-term effects of various disciplinary methods—something we both regretted not doing sooner. The consensus in the scientific community was clear: spanking is not only ineffective but also harmful, leading to increased aggression, antisocial behavior, and mental health issues in children. It was a bitter realization to comprehend that I had inflicted real harm on my child while believing I was acting in his best interest. I had always thought my cultural justifications were sufficient, but they crumbled when I examined the reality of physical punishment.
Later that evening, I found a quote that resonated deeply with my feelings about spanking: “Is the child old enough to understand reason? Yes? Then reason with them. No? Then they’re not old enough to understand why you’re spanking them.” It became evident to me that hitting my child was never a reasonable approach; it was merely something I had accepted as normal. The excuse “my parents did it” is not a valid justification for harmful actions.
Jake and I decided it was time to break this cycle. That night, I quietly entered my son’s room and kissed his forehead. Though he had grown since his newborn days, he still retained that cherubic innocence. As I stroked his curly hair, I leaned in and whispered, “I promise you, buddy. Mommy will never hurt you again.” This time, I meant it.
If you’re interested in exploring more about parenting and home insemination, check out our blog on at-home insemination kits here. For further reading on the psychological impacts of parenting choices, visit this expert resource. For valuable information on pregnancy week by week, see this excellent guide.
In summary, my journey from spanking to gentle parenting was fueled by a profound realization of the emotional and psychological consequences of my actions. Through reflection and research, I committed to breaking the cycle of physical discipline and fostering a healthier environment for my children.