Let me be completely frank. I never thought I would be raising a child on my own, let alone as a solo mom. In fact, I never envisioned parenthood for myself at all.
As a child, I spent my playtime pretending to be a rock star, a news anchor, or a renowned author, holding a brush as if it were a microphone. I never played with dolls or daydreamed about the life of a mother. The concept of pretend weddings on the playground? That simply didn’t interest me.
Then came my son, a delightful and unexpected surprise. I feel incredibly grateful that my life didn’t unfold according to my original plans. The universe had a different idea and gifted me my son. Knowing him has made me a better person, and I am constantly in awe of the responsibility I’ve been given to nurture his vibrant spirit.
However, the reality remains that because I never envisioned this role for myself, I often feel lost in my parenting journey. It would certainly be easier if children came with a manual.
Adding to the complexity, I am a solo mom, which means I have no weekends off or anyone to step in when I need a breather or am struggling with discipline. While I’m fortunate to have my mother around, it’s not the same as having an invested partner.
My son’s father lives in Dublin, and while we shared a brief romance during my travels in Europe, his decision to not take an active role in our child’s life stripped him of the title of father. That’s a designation earned through involvement, not simply a consequence of biology.
The Challenges of Solo Parenting
Being a solo mom can be tough. Beyond the obvious challenges of finances and responsibilities, there’s the emotional toll of being surrounded by other moms who have partners. Whether it’s an event at school or swimming lessons, I’m constantly reminded of what I lack—someone to support and celebrate my child alongside me.
I watch mothers with partners who share the excitement of their child’s milestones and it feels surreal, almost alien to me. It’s not that I envy them; I just can’t fathom what that experience would be like. My perception of those relationships is likely as unrealistic as a wrestling match.
In my mind, these couples are best friends who enjoy spontaneous intimacy and deep conversations. Yet, I’m aware that reality might be far less glamorous. Regardless, having someone to share in my son’s accomplishments and joys would be a wonderful relief. I crave the companionship of someone to lean on and to have by my side through this journey.
Embracing Independence
That said, I don’t want anyone to pity me. I value my independence and have never been one to depend on a partner for validation or support. I thrive on self-reliance and strength, and I’ve never felt the need for someone to complete me.
This doesn’t make me bitter or cynical. Love is wonderful when you find the right person, but not everyone has that luck. For me, finding my person isn’t about romance; it’s about my son. No other role has given me more purpose than being his mother, a title that is mine forever.
A Surprising Perspective
Recently, my son overheard someone say, “I don’t know how you do it on your own.” Later that evening, he asked, “Mom, aren’t you glad you’re a solo mom?” I was taken aback, so I asked him to explain. He said, “Well, if you were like the other moms with husbands, and if I were like other kids with dads, we wouldn’t get to spend so much time together. He’d probably feel left out, because I like it just being the two of us.”
He had a point. The benefits of being a solo mom often go unrecognized. I alone get to decide our plans. I experience every moment with my child fully. I never miss a holiday or weekend, and he runs to me for comfort and advice. There’s something incredibly special about being a duo—a team. I am his number one, and he is mine.
As a meme I encountered recently put it, “Any woman can be a mother, but it takes a badass woman to be a father, too.”
Resources for Solo Parenting
For more insights on solo parenting and the journey of becoming a mom, check out this blog post that offers additional perspectives.
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Conclusion
In summary, while the journey of being a solo mom can present its own unique challenges, it also comes with profound joys and opportunities for connection with my child. I embrace this life with gratitude, knowing that my role as my son’s mother is the most meaningful gift I could ever receive.