When my partner and I were choosing a name for our first child, we envisioned him growing up with that name at various stages of life—starting from kindergarten all the way to retirement. Our aim was to find a name that was classic, strong, and a bit playful. We ultimately settled on my partner’s middle name, Graham. Admittedly, I had some reservations about its meaning, which is curiously “gray house” or “gravel homestead,” but I never anticipated the teasing that would arise from our choice.
This year, my son began kindergarten, and within just a couple of months, he came home expressing a desire to change his name. He experimented with several alternatives before finally settling on a name of one of his friends. For weeks, he insisted we call him by this new name. At first, I brushed it off, thinking it was just another one of his phases—like when he wanted to be called Hulk Smash for a while. However, it soon became clear that there was a deeper issue at play. Other kids had started calling him “graham cracker.”
Initially, I found it somewhat amusing, thinking that teasing is a natural part of childhood. I had been teased for my short haircut back in the ’90s, and my partner had faced similar situations. It seemed like a rite of passage, albeit an early one. Yet, the teasing didn’t stop. My son began to express frustration towards us for naming him Graham, struggling to grasp the thought and care we had put into the choice.
As experienced educators, my partner and I debated whether this was harmless teasing or actual bullying. According to bullyingstatistics.org, if someone takes offense and the teasing continues, it crosses into bullying. Alarmingly, 1 in 5 students experience bullying, with 13% of incidents involving name-calling, as reported by Pacer’s National Bullying Prevention Center.
Understanding the importance of our son’s mental well-being, we developed strategies to help him cope. We practiced assertively telling the teasing children that the name-calling needed to stop. We informed the bus driver so she could support him, and we prepared for the possibility of needing adult intervention.
Role-playing with my kindergartner on how to advocate for himself turned out to be one of the most valuable experiences we’ve had together. We realized that while we had discussed sharing and being considerate of others, we hadn’t emphasized self-advocacy or clearly expressing personal needs. Children have a unique way of highlighting the lessons they still need to learn.
I don’t regret naming my son a strong name that connects him to his father, who plays a significant role in his life. This experience has opened up conversations about standing up for oneself and the importance of not changing who you are to appease others. After all, when he and his friends eventually discover Graham Nash, the celebrated British-American musician, he might just find that his name is a point of pride. If not, he will have gained valuable skills in defending himself and carrying his identity with confidence.
For more insights, you can check out this other blog post, which discusses similar themes. Similarly, intracervicalinsemination.com offers expert resources on related subjects, and Mount Sinai has excellent information on pregnancy and home insemination.
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In summary, facing unexpected teasing over a name choice led to invaluable lessons in self-advocacy and resilience for both me and my son. It highlighted the importance of teaching children how to defend themselves and embrace their identity, making this experience a crucial part of his early development.