For nearly two years, I have deliberately distanced myself from my family, not out of animosity towards them, but to protect my children. Initially, it was my family’s views on my two-mom household that unsettled me. Then, as my teenage son matured, their comments shifted to “He needs a male role model” and later to my young daughter’s weight gain. It became clear that keeping my family at arm’s length was the best choice for us.
The pandemic further facilitated this separation, allowing me to establish boundaries regarding discussions about weight—both mine and my children’s—before any hurt feelings could arise. Growing up with this family made me acutely aware of body image issues, and while I know they love me, their comments about weight have left a lasting impact. Now, with a five-year-old daughter and a 14-year-old son, I feel it’s my duty to safeguard their mental and emotional well-being regarding how they view their bodies.
Setting boundaries with family is incredibly challenging for me, yet once established, they become easier to maintain. The words we hear from family can profoundly affect us, especially when it comes to our kids. My daughter, who has a twin sister with a different body type, has already picked up on these differences. At just five years old, she asks heartbreaking questions like, “Is my belly big?” or “Will you still love me if I can’t wear that?” As her parents, we do our best to reassure her that her worth isn’t tied to her appearance but rather to her kindness and how she treats others.
My son faces a different set of comments, as he is tall and thin and has a selective appetite due to sensory sensitivities and medications. He often hears remarks like, “You’re so skinny!” or “You need to eat more,” which can be just as damaging. At one point, I mistakenly tried to push him to eat more, fearing he would miss out on essential nutrients. However, I have since learned to respect his choices and allow him to listen to his body.
All of my children deserve to feel loved and cherished in every interaction with family. While my family may worry about their eating habits, it’s crucial to remember that children with obesity face stigma, as highlighted in a blog post by Dr. Kahan, director of the National Center for Weight and Wellness. The comments from those who should love us unconditionally can sting the most.
We cannot predict our children’s future health, but we do know that body shaming can lead to anxiety and even eating disorders. As Marlene Schwartz, a psychologist and director at the Rudd Center for Food Policy and Obesity, points out, teasing children about their weight is often misguided and can cause more harm than good.
Instead of shaming our kids, we should support and empower them. When family members make remarks about our children’s bodies, we need to remind them to refrain from such discussions and let the parents handle it—our children’s well-being is our responsibility, not that of extended family.
The American Journal of Pediatrics advocates for non-judgmental approaches from healthcare providers, which families should adopt as well. A pediatrician’s supportive words during a visit to my daughter’s doctor made a significant impact—he encouraged her to embrace healthier foods while also affirming her beauty. His thoughtful approach resonated with both of us, just as the words of family members do.
As a mother, it is my duty to protect my daughter and to stand up for her when she lacks the words to do so herself. I will not engage in conversations about her weight with my family; it’s neither fair to her nor appropriate for them. While they may believe their comments stem from a place of concern, they often overlook the importance of affirming her self-worth with love and encouragement. Ultimately, the loving words they could offer her are far more beneficial than any comments about her appearance. I owe it to her to provide the protection I never had.
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Search Queries:
- How to talk to kids about body image
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- Understanding childhood obesity
In summary, it’s vital to protect our children from harmful comments about their bodies. Establishing boundaries with family can help shield them from negative influences, allowing them to grow up feeling loved and valued for who they are, not just how they look.