When my children were small, I was surrounded by a multitude of mom friends. Their names flowed easily from my lips: Emma, Lisa, Mia, and Hannah, followed by Rachel, Emily, and Vanessa, among others. These were women I met in parenting classes, during babywearing workshops, and at park playdates. Our conversations revolved around the chaos of raising infants and toddlers—milestones, sleep schedules, and all the little victories of motherhood.
As time passed, however, our children grew, and our connections began to fade. Some friends relocated; others simply drifted away. Despite living in the same city, I found myself increasingly isolated from these women with whom I once shared holidays and laughter. Those days of bonding over shared parenting experiences were replaced by silence—no calls or texts to maintain our friendships.
Anne Marie discusses this phenomenon in a recent piece for Motherwell Magazine, where she shares how her close-knit circle of mom friends has dwindled to acquaintances she sees only a couple of times a year, even with one living just down the street. She expresses a longing for friendships that go beyond the demands of motherhood—a yearning for connections that nourish her as an individual, not just as a mother.
Reflecting on those past friendships, I realize how crucial they were during that stage of my life. I needed a community, a support network—but as my parenting skills improved, so did my desire for a different kind of connection. I no longer required assistance with the intricacies of raising young children; instead, I found myself seeking friends who could help me explore and develop my own interests, those who saw me as a person, not just a mom.
This is where the distinction becomes significant. My mom friends and I shared common parenting philosophies—most of us were into attachment parenting—but as our children grew, those shared experiences became less relevant, leaving our friendships adrift. I realized I couldn’t even name their favorite music or TV shows anymore, nor did I know what they studied in college.
Our needs evolve, and so do our friendships. In the earlier days of motherhood, I leaned heavily on my mom friends. But as our kids matured, it was only natural that we would drift apart. Today, I cultivate different types of friendships—fewer in number and often with men. These friendships are decidedly non-mom friends; our conversations rarely touch on my kids, even though they appreciate them and enjoy interacting with them. Instead, they bolster my identity beyond motherhood, tending to my personal growth and interests.
I actively sought out these connections. Some were old friends from before I had kids, and I made a deliberate effort to reconnect over shared passions rather than parenting struggles. I found myself enjoying long chats over beers, discussing everything from politics to pop culture—topics that mattered to me, unrelated to my children.
Many of my current friends care about issues that never crossed the minds of my mom friends. While I once needed their advice on breastfeeding and sleep routines, my focus has shifted. Now, I find connection with those who share my interests—whether it’s discussing favorite TV shows or exploring creative pursuits. Some of my closest friends now include a high school buddy who lives far away and a witty, reclusive guy from Indiana with whom I have daily phone conversations (never about my kids).
These friendships are about me, not my children. They noticed when I was absent from social media or the world around me. They checked in, showing genuine care for my well-being. My old mom friends, on the other hand, are too distant to understand the nuances of my life today.
Life’s seasons change, and so do our needs from friendships. While I once needed the support of mom friends, it was inevitable that as our kids grew, we would drift apart. We can either strive to maintain those relationships, finding common ground beyond our children, or we can seek out new friends who nurture our souls and prioritize our individuality.
I’m grateful for the friendships I’ve formed outside the realm of motherhood. I can still chat with other moms at the playground, but they no longer define my social life. I need friends who recognize me for who I am, not just as a mother. Thank goodness I’ve found them.
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