In the midst of expressing my thoughts, I suddenly hear it—a loud snore. “Seriously?” I think. This feels like a scene from a bad sitcom where one partner drifts off while the other rambles on about trivial matters, only to be interrupted by an unmistakable snoring sound. This isn’t us, I tell myself. We don’t fit that cliché. But alas, we do. He’s that guy who can fall asleep faster than I can spell f-u-c-k-t-h-i-s, while I lie awake with wide eyes, trapped in an anxiety spiral, cursing the dark. And now, to top it off, the cat has claimed my abdomen as her new sleeping spot.
What I truly want is a MANbien prescription—and I want it immediately. Unlike the sleep aid Ambien, MANbien is a magical pill that encapsulates all the carefree, hormone-fueled bliss that allows men to drift off anywhere, anytime, especially in bed. This wonder drug is so powerful that users can even nod off at a 45-degree angle before they hit the pillow. It’s that effective.
Picture all the tasks women wouldn’t have to tackle if they were on MANbien instead of being perpetually alert. No more late-night Googling of mysterious aches that inevitably lead to doomsday conclusions. No more mental lists of endless chores that vanish as soon as the alarm goes off. No dealing with wide-awake children in the early hours.
Imagine not having to pick up after everyone during the day, like replacing the toilet paper roll or collecting empty shampoo bottles as if preparing for a hotel inspection. No more contemplating what to make for a second dinner or feeling a wave of frustration when discovering a single dirty glass inches from the dishwasher. Forget about the endless battle of matching socks, an endeavor far less enjoyable than daydreaming about winning a million dollars just for being awesome. And let’s not even mention the night terrors of discovering unwanted hairs in the bathroom—really, who signed up for this middle-aged drama?
Once I take my MANbien, I want to sprawl out in bed like I own the place, free to do sleep angels while the cat can find her own space. My partner can take his half-side of the bed, as he’s done for years. Sure, it might seem a bit petty, but a woman has to get her beauty rest to conquer the day, right?
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In summary, the quest for a MANbien prescription highlights the everyday struggles many women face in balancing responsibilities and the desire for a good night’s sleep. If only there were a way to bottle up that carefree ease men seem to possess, life would be a lot simpler.