Updated: Aug. 21, 2015
Originally Published: July 22, 2010
My nearly three-year-old daughter, Lily, is undeniably beautiful—not just because I am her mother, but because she possesses an enchanting charm all her own. Her long, flowing brown hair could easily be featured in a shampoo advertisement. Her bright hazel eyes sparkle with life, and her smile is wonderfully contagious. In public, I often observe people noticing her delightful features and the quirky outfits she insists on wearing.
However, beneath those vibrant ensembles lies a visible mark of distinction. Lily was born with a sizable vascular birthmark, or hemangioma, on the right side of her buttocks and upper thigh. What began as a faint bruise at birth has developed into a noticeable feature, further complicated by a severe ulceration she experienced at four months old. While these marks typically fade with age, she’s still quite young, and come summertime, her birthmark is prominently displayed when she joyfully dons her pink polka dot swimsuit.
Our family and friends have grown accustomed to her birthmark, having witnessed its evolution alongside her. Though they occasionally inquire about it, they usually overlook it when they see her. However, during a recent trip to a water park, I became acutely aware that other visitors were not familiar with her uniqueness. To them, she stood out, and not in a way that I found comfortable.
As I watched her splash around, gleefully calling for her baby brother, I should have been focusing on creating cherished memories. Instead, I found myself fixating on the stares of onlookers. I caught sight of a woman exchanging concerned glances with her husband and a little boy staring at the birthmark, perplexed.
I should have asserted, “It’s just her birthmark, and she’s perfect the way she is!” Instead, I fretted over adjusting her swimsuit to conceal it. My anxiety stemmed from the fear of judgment—an idea that had no relevance to Lily, who was blissfully unaware of societal standards of beauty.
It hit me while we were playing “crocodiles” around the splash pad: my insecurities were overshadowing her innocence. Lily didn’t care about her birthmark; she was focused on imaginary adventures. I realized that I was imposing my own worries about physical appearance onto a child who was still learning to recite her address. Children have their own unique traits, whether it’s a learning challenge or something more visible, and I am fortunate that my daughter’s difference is merely cosmetic.
I grappled with the notion that others may judge her before I could explain, yet I should not need to justify her existence to society. Children deserve to be seen for who they are, free from the harsh scrutiny of adult perceptions of beauty. Lily is a beautiful child experiencing life to the fullest, not merely a child with a “flaw.”
No more hiding her birthmark or monitoring reactions—such behavior only fosters insecurity in a little girl who just wants to be a princess and chase imaginary pirates. Lily radiates happiness and confidence, and it is my duty to nurture those qualities.
To outsiders, her birthmark might elicit confusion or concern, but to me, it symbolizes her individuality and beauty in that pink polka dot swimsuit.
In a world where the expectations of beauty can weigh heavily, I am learning to embrace and celebrate what makes my daughter unique.
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In conclusion, embracing uniqueness in our children fosters their confidence and self-acceptance. As parents, it’s our responsibility to model this acceptance and encourage them to thrive as their authentic selves.