Can you do self-insemination at home ?
Updated: April 4, 2021
Originally Published: April 4, 2021
I don’t fit the mold of what you might expect from someone with an eating disorder. I’m not extremely thin or overweight—just pretty average. Yet, every single bite of food I consume is a battle. I have an addictive personality; I’ve struggled with alcohol and cigarettes, but now, food has taken center stage. I’ve tried binging, purging, and restricting, but currently, it’s an all-consuming fixation. I can’t eat without a barrage of thoughts flooding my mind: How many calories are in this? What’s the fat content? How will it affect my body? Will my black yoga pants and T-shirt hide it? It’s mentally draining and disheartening, and I can’t seem to shake it. Even with therapy, food remains my Achilles’ heel.
Giving up alcohol and cigarettes was manageable. You quit, endure withdrawal, and emerge on the other side. But food is essential—quitting isn’t an option. For someone grappling with an eating disorder, that reality is incredibly challenging. I crave food but feel overwhelmed by it. If I restrict my intake, I inevitably binge later. If I allow myself to eat, I obsess over every little detail. Enjoying food feels impossible because it’s such a mental struggle.
I think I’m concealing my disorder, but those close to me can see through the facade. New acquaintances might not notice, though. I always have a Diet Coke in hand, trying to fill up on liquids to avoid the urge to eat. When I do eat around others, I take just enough to be polite, but it seldom satisfies my hunger. However, if dessert is on the table, I’ll indulge, sometimes to the point of feeling ill. Then the guilt sets in, and I spend the rest of the day regretting my choice.
This isn’t a matter of willpower. If it were, I could easily stop. I successfully quit smoking, which is noted to be as difficult as overcoming heroin or cocaine addiction. Yet, eating comes with inevitable consequences—too many calories, excessive fat, or sugar that only makes me hungrier. It feels like a no-win situation.
Oh, how I wish I could eat like others do—just to experience a day of normal eating habits. I once believed I was normal until a conversation with a friend opened my eyes. She knew I struggled but didn’t realize the extent. I asked her if she thought deeply about every bite of food and its consequences. Could she actually savor food without guilt? Her confused look shocked me. I had always assumed that’s how everyone dealt with food.
People who don’t face these challenges don’t understand; it’s not as simple as flipping a switch. I won’t just wake up one day with a healthy relationship with food. I’ve also dealt with autoimmune issues that have contributed to weight gain. I know I need to shed a few pounds for my health, yet every Sunday night, I convince myself that Monday will mark the start of healthier eating and regular exercise. Unfortunately, my failures far outweigh my successes, and I find it hard to stay committed.
According to the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders, 9% of Americans—approximately 28.8 million people—will experience an eating disorder in their lifetime. This mental illness is one of the deadliest, second only to opioid abuse. Around 26% of individuals with an eating disorder will attempt suicide at some point. This illness is catastrophic and deeply saddening.
Here are some alarming statistics: 42% of girls in grades one to three wish to be thinner. An astounding 81% of ten-year-olds fear gaining weight. Meanwhile, 46% of children aged nine to eleven are sometimes or often on diets. A staggering 35% to 57% of adolescent girls resort to crash dieting, fasting, self-induced vomiting, dieting pills, or laxatives. On college campuses, a survey revealed that 91% of women control their weight through dieting. Why is this happening? Hollywood’s unrealistic beauty standards play a part, but genetic predisposition accounts for 28% to 74% of those with eating disorders. Their brains process food differently, making it an uphill battle.
Why not just see a therapist? I have, but I haven’t found that breakthrough moment that allows me to love myself regardless of my appearance. The people who love me try to uplift me, but when self-belief is lacking, the struggle feels endless. It can be truly debilitating.
I suppose I’m one of the fortunate ones; I’ve never been hospitalized or attempted suicide, though I’ve faced many other struggles. As a mother to a young daughter, my greatest aim is to shield her from this dangerous disease. Knowing that the potential for disordered eating may be ingrained in her, much like alcoholism, I must remain vigilant. This challenge isn’t going away for me anytime soon, so I’ll continue to hide it from her as best I can. She deserves a mother who exemplifies healthy behavior, not one mired in negativity. I’ll stick to therapy, set goals, and strive to be the best version of myself for her.
And to everyone out there grappling with similar issues: You are beautiful, worthy, and perfect just as you are. Go forth and conquer the day. The world is a brighter place with you in it!
For those seeking more information on this topic, check out this other blog that offers valuable insights. Additionally, for a deeper understanding, visit this expert resource. Also, for more on this subject, you can explore this link.
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Summary:
The author shares a personal and honest account of living with an eating disorder, revealing the internal struggles that come with food obsession. Despite appearing average, the constant battle with food is exhausting and debilitating. The article discusses the challenges of quitting food, the societal pressures surrounding body image, and the importance of seeking therapy. It emphasizes the need for awareness and support for those affected by eating disorders while encouraging readers to embrace their worth.