I first crossed paths with my closest mom friend, Lisa, when my baby was just a few months old. A mutual friend who had been through the ups and downs of new motherhood connected us, knowing we could use the support during those early days.
Our first meetup took place at a cozy coffee shop nearby. With our babies in tow, we sipped on iced coffee and chai lattes while sharing stories about our college days, how we met our husbands, and our childbirth experiences. It was refreshing to talk about breastfeeding, postpartum care, and everything in between with someone who truly understood.
From that day onward, we began spending more time together. Living just a mile apart made it easy to meet up with our children. Lisa organized playdates with other young moms, which opened the door for us to connect with even more mothers who shared our experiences.
As someone who leans towards introversion, I have a few friends I consider close, but it takes time to develop deeper connections. However, in motherhood, it’s easier to bond with others who are navigating the same challenges.
- “Oh, your baby didn’t sleep through the night until six months either?”
- “I had to be induced for high blood pressure as well!”
- “Any tips on keeping the spark in your marriage with a newborn?”
- “What new foods are you introducing to your little one?”
- “What’s the longest you went without a shower after giving birth?”
But with Lisa, our connection deepened beyond just motherhood. We started sharing our personal struggles. I confided in her about my therapy sessions for postpartum depression, and she opened up about her own battles and the medication she was taking. We exchanged silly texts, sent videos of our babies trying new foods, and even joined a beginner’s yoga class together. Our laughter echoed when she announced her unexpected pregnancy with baby number two.
Then one fateful Friday morning, everything changed. Lisa collapsed before taking her husband to work. Despite efforts from CPR, EMTs, and the hospital staff, she didn’t survive. In an instant, she was gone. The shock and sadness of her loss were overwhelming. She left behind a loving husband and a 16-month-old son, along with a community of people who cherished her warmth and kindness.
As time passed, I began to reflect on the invaluable lessons her life and friendship imparted. Friendships formed during motherhood are truly unique. They are essential, and everyone deserves to experience them. We often hear about “mom squads,” which are great for support, but I’m talking about something deeper—a true companion who understands the rollercoaster of being a new mom. Someone you can text impulsively, share silly moments with, or simply cry alongside. A friend who accepts you, yoga pants and all, without judgment.
In the weeks since her passing, I’ve frequently revisited our text conversations, feeling a wave of guilt for not recognizing the rarity of our connection while I had her. Who else reached out just to let me know they were thinking of me? Who suggested last-minute park outings for our little ones? Who sent me amusing snapshots of quirky finds from Target?
I remember vividly visiting the playground we used to frequent shortly after her death. Seeing other moms laughing and chatting made her absence painfully evident. I thought about striking up a conversation with them but quickly dismissed the idea, feeling that none could fill the void Lisa left behind. That’s the nature of grief—an acknowledgment of loss, and it’s okay to feel that way. As my therapist reminds me, there is now an empty space in my heart. It may never be filled completely, but it’s crucial to allow someone else to enter that space. As mothers, we all need that connection.
Lisa exemplified what friendship should be, living her life with vibrancy and authenticity. Her love for her friends was inspiring, and my early months of motherhood would have been far lonelier without her presence.
Her absence is still a painful reminder of what I’ve lost. But she would want to be remembered with joy, love, and hope. That’s why I share this reflection.
Moms, seek out that special friend. Open up to someone in your circle and invite them to share their struggles. Together, we can navigate the highs and lows of motherhood because nobody else understands quite like we do. It may take time, and you might feel like you’re searching for the right fit, but the journey is worth it.
I’m forever grateful for Lisa’s life and the legacy she left behind. Though my heart—and many others—will carry a scar, I now recognize the importance of nurturing those rare mom friendships. So, fellow mothers, go out and find your mom comrade. She needs you just as much as you need her.
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In summary, cherish those special friendships forged in the trenches of motherhood. They are invaluable, and the support they provide is irreplaceable.