Parenting
In our society, women often yearn to appear younger. This is evident in the unspoken rule of never asking a woman her age. Now that I’m in my thirties, I find that while we still celebrate birthdays at lively venues, there’s often a hint of “we’re partying to mask the tears.” Sound familiar?
Yes, I have a youthful appearance. I know this because I frequently get carded for kombucha and have been mistaken for a middle school student at the school where I work.
People often exclaim, “Oh! I thought you were still in high school!” or “I assumed you were the babysitter!” Because of this, I’ve taken to introducing myself with: “Hi, I’m Jane. I look younger than I am, just so you know.”
I was 26 when I had my son, which means I wasn’t a teenager, but I was considered young by today’s standards. Especially in Park Slope, Brooklyn, where a 30-year-old mother might as well be mistaken for a child performer in a talent show.
I’m not complaining, though. If I maintain this youthful glow, I’ll be thrilled to look 45 when I’m 60. And honestly, when my son is throwing a tantrum and screaming, “I want coconut!” during a chaotic, sweaty walk home, I’d rather be seen as the babysitter.
If anyone doubts my status as a parent, I have his birth certificate and state ID to clarify. Plus, I remember the moment I gave birth to his almost 9-pound body, navigating the whole experience with the grace of a mammal in an inflatable pool.
However, I prefer not to be treated like a child. My role as a mother is incredibly significant, and I don’t appreciate being disrespected in front of my child.
Take, for instance, the time I was twenty minutes late dropping my son off at school. His summer camp teacher, a woman I had just met, stepped into my personal space and said, “You will not be late again,” speaking slowly as if to a child.
Surprisingly, it worked. I awkwardly stammered, “I-I-I will try my, my very best.” The assistant teacher, who witnessed this interaction, seemed just as uncomfortable, nervously laughing as she stepped back.
Then the teacher insisted, “No. You will not TRY. You WILL NOT be late again.” I struggled to respond but eventually managed to say, “You don’t have to do that.” Once I turned the corner, I burst into tears.
Living in Park Slope, I’ve noticed that preschools here are as pricey as my rent and the artisanal almond milk lattes I indulge in. Shouldn’t spending a fortune mean I receive a little respect? It’s common to expect excellent service in upscale establishments, right?
It makes me wonder: if I had been 41, like many of the affluent parents at the school, would she have addressed me in such a condescending way? If I didn’t resemble a cast member from an MTV reality show, would I have been treated with more respect?
I have more stories like this. For instance, there was the ER nurse who lectured me for an hour on car seat safety while I nodded along. Let me tell you, there’s nothing worse than being condescended to, especially when you’re already stressed.
I know why I’m here — my son fell, not because I need a lesson in parenting. And just because you think I look sixteen doesn’t mean you can disregard my adulthood.
So if you look your age, own it! Aging isn’t all bad. One of the perks is that people are less likely to question your decisions, and they’re more inclined to give you the benefit of the doubt. That must be nice.
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In summary, looking young has its pros and cons, especially when it comes to being taken seriously as a parent. Age is just a number, but how we’re perceived can greatly affect our interactions. Embrace your age, and don’t let anyone diminish your role, no matter how you look.