I’m not looking forward to my upcoming birthday, not because of the age but because I know my ex will find a way to spoil it. He’s done it before—last year, during Christmas, Mother’s Day, and both of our kids’ birthdays. It’s like he makes it his mission to ruin days that should be special.
Yes, I set boundaries to protect myself. I have to; I refuse to be a doormat. But my ex can always find a way to breach those boundaries. For instance, last month, one of my sons celebrated his birthday while he was with my ex. My ex invited me over for cake and ice cream, which sounds nice, doesn’t it? Unfortunately, it was just a trap. I knew he’d use that time to throw passive-aggressive comments my way.
I could have declined the invitation, but then he would have told my sons and other family members that I chose not to celebrate with them. No matter what choice I made, I was bound to experience emotional stress. I wanted to see my son, so I went, preparing myself to be as unresponsive as possible to my ex’s jabs. He managed to make comments about my weight, questioned whether I ever cooked real meals for my boys, and even criticized my job. I kept my cool, focusing on my children and leaving as soon as I could.
The next day, I received an email from my ex, thanking me for coming over. If you’ve dealt with someone like this, you know it’s all part of his game. He wants a record of him being the “Great Guy” while subtly casting me as the neglectful parent. He constantly sends reminders about things I’ve always handled as the stay-at-home parent, as if I need his guidance.
It’s been three years since I left him and over two since our divorce. His anger hasn’t subsided; he’s still furious that I chose to live without him. I’ve been dating someone else for a year, and he refuses to acknowledge it, instead continuing his passive-aggressive behavior that seeps into every interaction we have. He tries to charm my friends and family, but while some see through him, a few have distanced themselves from me.
With my birthday approaching, I can’t help but dread what he might pull. He seems determined to ruin any occasion that should be joyful, regardless of the boundaries I set. It feels like a tightrope walk, balancing the need to limit our interactions while ensuring he doesn’t accuse me of being uncooperative.
Initially, after our divorce, I thought I would eventually stop caring about his opinions. I believed I could laugh off his behavior. But it still affects me. I’m relieved I don’t have to live with him daily, but the bitterness lingers like a predator waiting to strike. I’m exhausted, utterly worn out by his relentless negativity. I just want it all to end. I want him to move on. It’s been years, and yet his bitterness persists, leaving me drained.
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- how to cope with a bitter ex
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Summary:
This article explores the emotional struggles of dealing with a bitter ex-spouse, particularly during special occasions. The author shares personal experiences of navigating passive-aggressive behavior, setting boundaries, and the exhaustion that comes from trying to maintain a semblance of peace while co-parenting. Ultimately, the desire for the bitterness to end is palpable, highlighting the challenges faced by many in similar situations.