As the clock strikes 6 p.m., my living room resembles a toy store explosion. My 4-year-old, Max, has enthusiastically scattered his superhero collection, set up his magic kit, and turned a deck of cards into a chaotic game of “52 pick-up.” Amidst this whirlwind of play, when I finally ask him to help tidy up, he dramatically collapses on the floor, exclaiming, “Mommy, I’ve never felt this tired in my whole entire wife!”
Of course, he meant “life,” and his adorable antics almost tempt me to do the cleaning myself. But I remind myself of past experiences; I’ve been here before with his older brother, Noah, who is now 9. Thankfully, Noah has managed to grow up relatively well-adjusted and not overly spoiled. However, this is largely due to my efforts over the years to instill some discipline and responsibility in him after realizing I had let things slip for too long.
There is a five-year age difference between my boys, which allowed me to devote an enormous amount of time and energy to Noah. While I did encourage him to clean up his toys and take care of his belongings, I also made countless excuses for him. If he resisted, I often resorted to half-hearted compromises, like, “Just pick up three toys, and I’ll handle the rest.” The truth is, cleaning is much quicker for an adult than a slow-moving child.
I often told myself that he was too young to handle certain responsibilities. Sometimes, my own exhaustion would push me to give in, just wanting a moment of peace and a tidy space. I mistakenly believed he would eventually take initiative on his own. I was wrong, and I eventually faced the hard truth: helping around the house is not optional; it’s a requirement for being part of our family.
This realization was a wake-up call for both Noah and me, leading to many protests, tantrums, and a significant adjustment period. Thankfully, we’ve moved past that stage, but I take full responsibility for allowing him to get away with so much during his early years. This time around, with Max, I resolved to change my approach.
From the moment Max could understand simple instructions, I made it clear that he was expected to dispose of his sticky, yogurt-covered napkin in the trash. While I did assist him with cleaning up his toys when he was younger, he was largely responsible for the task. “I’m tired” was not an acceptable excuse in our house.
There have been moments of resistance, like when he sits on the floor in tears, pleading his case about why he absolutely cannot clean up his train tracks. Yet, I refuse to back down. With more than one child, there simply isn’t enough time to clean up after them day in and day out. Kids, especially those who are second or third in line, must learn to contribute.
Even if you are parenting an only child and have all the time in the world, I caution you against being overly lenient with chores. Children do need some flexibility, and chores should be appropriate to their developmental stage. What constitutes a necessary task in one household might not hold the same weight in another. Personally, I can’t stand having LEGOs all over the living room for longer than half an hour, but a sink full of dirty dishes doesn’t bother me as much.
Regardless of your personal standards, don’t make excuses or take the easy way out. It’s tempting to let things slide, but consider the kind of adults you want your children to become. I want my sons to be capable and responsible men who know how to navigate a kitchen, take out the garbage without being prompted, and keep their space tidy.
It may feel easier at times to just do everything yourself, but that leads to raising a new generation of spoiled and entitled individuals. So let’s work together to avoid that fate, alright?
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Summary: Parenting can be challenging, especially when it comes to instilling responsibility in children. While I spoiled my first son, I’ve taken a different approach with my younger child, ensuring he learns the importance of contributing to household chores. It’s essential to avoid falling into the trap of leniency, regardless of the family dynamics, to raise capable and responsible adults.