It’s late, and the household is finally quiet. After numerous interruptions, my children are asleep, yet my mind refuses to settle. I find myself consumed by a whirlwind of thoughts: the tasks left undone, the errands I’ve neglected, and the ways I feel like I’m not measuring up. My desire is to excel as a mother and a partner, ensuring my family’s happiness while also thriving at work.
Balancing these roles is a struggle, and as much as I wish to be an outstanding friend (or at least a passable one), I find myself falling short lately.
I’m not attempting to excuse my lack of communication. If I can carve out time for a Netflix marathon, I should certainly be able to respond to your messages. Yet, here are some of the reasons I might not have:
- I thought of texting you back, but it was 6 a.m.—a time when most people are still asleep.
- I misplaced my phone.
- Our cat had an unfortunate accident.
- My child had a similar incident.
- I mentally replied but forgot to do so in reality.
- I lost track of time while my child occupied my phone, as I desperately sought a moment of peace.
- I promised myself I would reach out when I had a spare minute, but that minute never materialized.
- Someone flooded the restroom again.
- By the time I remembered, I was already drifting off to sleep.
- My anxiety sometimes paralyzes me, making it hard to initiate conversations even when I want to.
You get the picture. Life’s everyday chaos often impedes my ability to stay connected. It’s not that I don’t value our friendship; I’m simply overwhelmed.
If something significant were to occur, I would be there for you without hesitation. However, when it comes to the routine check-ins, I acknowledge that I struggle to keep up.
Friendships in our 20s felt different; we had time and resources without the concern of arranging childcare. Late nights were the norm, followed by lazy days recovering from hangovers. Now, in our 30s, we catch up through sporadic texts and tentative plans that often fall through. When we do manage to meet, we cherish the time but find ourselves ready for bed by 10 p.m., exhausted from the daily grind.
Many of us likely can’t recall the last time we enjoyed a full night’s sleep. We’re all striving for a balance that accommodates our families, careers, and personal well-being. When I finally get a moment to myself, I often prefer solitude, listening to music and unwinding without the need for conversation.
As mothers, we continuously pour ourselves into our families, prioritizing our children’s needs over our own. The rare moments we reserve for self-care might involve unwinding with a series binge or indulging in comfort food once the kids are in bed. It’s essential to replenish our energy reserves so we can continue to give our best.
I still cherish my friends deeply, but my focus has shifted as I navigate the challenges of parenting young children while also caring for my marriage and my own needs.
This phase is temporary, though. Before long, our children will gain more independence, allowing us to reconnect with our friends. So, please don’t forget about me or think I’ve lost interest in our friendship. Once the haze lifts, I’ll crave those coffee dates with my closest companions.
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In summary, while my role as a friend has taken a backseat recently, my commitment to those relationships remains strong. I’m hopeful for the future when I can once again prioritize friendships alongside my family responsibilities.