“I’m with someone,” I typed into my phone after receiving a flurry of messages from a friend who was having a particularly tough night. She was aware of my plans for the evening and understood that I had been through a challenging week, making it essential for me to reconnect with my best friend, whom I hadn’t seen in half a year.
The next morning, my phone rang at 7 AM—an hour I would typically be asleep at my partner’s place. Just days earlier, we had dinner where she monopolized the entire conversation, discussing her overwhelming issues with finances and children, without once inquiring about me. She lamented about being broke while flaunting a brand-new designer handbag and arranging our meeting around her appointments for fake lashes and a manicure.
“I can’t afford a new dryer,” she said, yet when I questioned her spending choices, she broke down in tears, claiming she couldn’t escape her “situation.”
In that moment, I realized I had been patient long enough. I didn’t need to adhere to any unspoken obligations to her. I could choose to ignore her calls and messages, and I didn’t have to feel guilty about wanting to be anywhere but there.
Our friendship was no longer fulfilling for me, but I had clung to it, thinking she relied on me since her other friends had distanced themselves. She needed something I recognized I could never provide. While I grappled with feelings of guilt for considering abandoning her, I could feel my frustration building.
Reflecting on our relationship, I understood that I couldn’t keep hearing the same complaints I had listened to for the last five years. Whenever she needed me, I was there; when I needed her, she’d often be unavailable, preoccupied with her romantic interests. I kept telling myself I was the stronger one, but that notion was misguided.
There’s a distinct difference between needing support from a friend and being an emotional burden who leaves others feeling drained. It’s perfectly acceptable to establish boundaries and express them, yet I had done so multiple times with her to no avail. Each time, she would apologize and promise to change, but nothing ever did.
Ultimately, I realized that breaking off the friendship was necessary. While it felt harsh, I understood it was a compassionate choice for both of us. Setting boundaries for the sake of my mental well-being was essential, and letting go of guilt was liberating.
When I finally told her I needed to part ways, she was understandably hurt and offered to make more effort, but I knew I had nothing left to give. Wishing her well, I moved on.
This isn’t about being selfish or abandoning someone at the first sign of trouble. It’s about prioritizing your own health and happiness. By letting go of a friendship that drained me, I could be a better friend and family member to others.
In the end, I hope she realizes that her actions may have contributed to her isolation. By maintaining our friendship, I had inadvertently allowed her to believe that everyone else was to blame for her loneliness. I don’t want that burden on my conscience, and I can’t deny the relief of not feeling anxious every time my phone rings, hoping it’s not her on the other end. I genuinely believe walking away was the right choice for both of us.
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Summary
Ending a friendship with an emotionally needy person can be a difficult but necessary choice for your mental health. It’s important to recognize when a relationship is no longer beneficial and to set boundaries to protect your well-being. Sometimes, letting go is the kindest action you can take for both yourself and your friend.