If you’re reading this and your initial reaction is something like, “Seriously? She gave you life and raised you; you should forgive and move on,” then you probably haven’t experienced a toxic or abusive relationship with a parent. I’m genuinely glad for you, but this message might not resonate.
However, if you found yourself nodding or feeling a pang of recognition in your heart, then you understand the painful truth: sometimes, we must sever ties with those who brought us into this world. Breaking away is often necessary to lead a fulfilling life.
You shouldn’t feel guilty for making the choice to protect your heart, mind, and family. It’s okay to feel sorrow. That longing for the ideal family moments—those magical gatherings, warm holiday celebrations, and joyful birthdays—might never completely fade. Although life’s busyness helps dull the ache, it still lingers.
You’re not missing out, despite how it might seem when you witness families celebrating together. The reality is that you would not have those experiences either, and that truth can be incredibly disheartening. You wished for more—for your children to have those cherished memories of Sunday dinners at Grandma’s while you enjoyed a well-deserved movie date with your partner.
Many of us cling to those hopes for far too long, allowing ourselves to feel defeated and manipulated, enduring gaslighting until we finally say, “Enough.” That moment came for me nearly four years ago. Since then, aside from a brief lapse in judgment, I’ve had no contact with my mother.
This choice has complicated my relationships with siblings and extended family. While I love my siblings dearly and will always support them, I have little ones who depend on me. They need a healthy, happy, and emotionally stable mom. To be that mother—the kind I always wished for—I had to say goodbye to my own mother.
This goodbye was not just about ending contact; it was about rejecting her abuse, manipulation, and gaslighting. Her treatment of me has left deep emotional scars, triggering my generalized anxiety disorder. Just writing this brings back memories that I’ve tried to bury, often resulting in overwhelming sadness.
The impact of toxic parenting is widespread and painful. It goes against societal norms to cut ties with your parent(s), making it hard for others to comprehend my choices. Many are shocked that I don’t invite my mother to family events or keep in touch, but this is my reality. I had to let go of a dysfunctional relationship to blossom into the best version of myself—for my children’s sake.
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Summary
In summary, distancing from a toxic parent can be a necessary step to protect oneself and one’s children, despite the emotional turmoil it may cause. It’s crucial to prioritize mental health and well-being to be the best parent possible.