Like many first-time mothers, I found myself completely unprepared for the reality of motherhood. While it’s true that no one can fully prepare you for the challenges ahead, the overwhelming physical and mental fatigue took me by surprise. There were countless days when I was so sleep-deprived I could have dozed off standing up. Sleep was my lifeline; I would have sacrificed meals in exchange for a good night’s rest. I also held a firm stance on the matter of bed-sharing—I simply refused to allow it. While I love my children dearly, I cherish the peace of our own spaces, especially our own beds, at the end of each day.
One night, about two years ago, I was blissfully cocooned in my Tempur-Pedic bed, enveloped in a down comforter that covered all but the top of my head. Just as I was drifting into a dream, I felt a gentle poke. Startled, I opened my eyes to see my son standing by my side. He leaned in, whispering, “Mommy, can I sleep with you?”
Historically, my children were excellent sleepers, but I had to intervene early on to help them achieve that. I read numerous parenting books, taking notes on what worked for us to ensure they learned to sleep soundly. I was well aware of the experts’ guidelines regarding midnight awakenings, which generally stipulate the following:
- Never allow a child into your bed at night. If you do, you’re essentially handing over control to a toddler, leading to a life filled with Cheerios and finger paint.
- Don’t acknowledge your child’s presence; avoid any form of communication. Showing concern is a sign of weakness, and they’ll exploit that.
- Gently take the child by the hand and return them to their bed. Cover them up and quickly return to your own bed.
- If the child returns crying, again, don’t engage; just take them back to their bed. You may need to toss them in before sprinting back to your own bed, hoping the ordeal is over.
- Repeat this process until dawn, but be warned: you might not be able to operate heavy machinery for weeks.
As I heard my son’s request, all this advice rushed through my mind. Should I walk him back to his bed? Would allowing him in create future problems? We had been enjoying uninterrupted sleep! Typically, unless my bed was on fire, I wouldn’t dream of getting out of it at that hour. Glancing at the clock, I saw it was 1:18 a.m. “Yes,” I said, pulling him into the bed between my husband and me. To my delight, we all slept soundly through the night.
Fast forward over 700 nights, and every evening, my son still comes to my bedside, asking, “Mommy, can I sleep with you?” I find it incredibly endearing that he continues to ask. I often wonder if his polite Southern upbringing plays a role or if he understands the fleeting nature of these moments. For now, my answer remains a resounding “yes.”
This nightly ritual has become more precious than I ever anticipated. We snuggle, and I relish those quiet moments when his small hand finds mine in the early morning hours. Weekend mornings are a dream, and holidays are even more special, filled with warmth and connection. I know this phase won’t last forever; there will come a night when he no longer asks to sleep beside me.
So, to my dear little prince, I encourage you to ask me every night if you need to. Come to my bedside when you feel lonely, scared, or simply miss your mommy. No matter what, my answer will always, without a doubt, be yes.
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In summary, while I initially had all the rules mapped out for sleep training, I chose connection over rigidity. Embracing those tender moments with my child has proven to be far more rewarding than adhering to any set of sleep guidelines.