Growing up in Nashville, Tennessee, I was right in the heart of the True Love Waits movement in the ’90s. Purity culture was gaining momentum, and I found myself entrenched in conservative churches and Christian schools, surrounded by a worldview that often felt constricting. I was the ideal follower, eagerly embracing the outdated and patriarchal teachings that were presented to me.
During this time, we made abstinence pledges, donned purity rings, and some fathers took their daughters to “purity balls,” where they would dress up and vow to remain chaste until marriage. A troubling aspect of this movement was its complete rejection of the LGBTQ community, which eventually led me to reflect on how these teachings had influenced my understanding of love and sexuality.
When my father came out as gay in my late 20s, it shook me to my core. I had suspected it, but hearing him say it made me confront the biases that purity culture had instilled in me. My initial reaction was fear for his eternal fate, which was a wake-up call to the lingering prejudices I still held. I realized I needed to work through these biases to truly love and accept him.
Here’s what I’ve learned from my experience with purity culture:
- Unrealistic Standards: Purity culture taught that even having sexual thoughts was sinful, creating an impossible standard for true purity. I felt guilt for any attraction or desire, leading to a constant battle against my own feelings instead of a healthy relationship with them.
- Identity Tied to Virginity: The culture elevated virginity to a status that became part of my identity. I received praise for my commitment to abstinence, but when I eventually had sex for the first time, I felt a profound loss. The experience was filled with guilt rather than the joy I expected.
- Body Image Issues: Growing up as a plus-size girl in purity culture was confusing. I was told my body was both alluring and shameful, leading to a warped perception of my own self-worth. The mixed messages I received made it difficult to see my body as anything but a source of shame.
- Misleading Promises: The purity movement promised a miraculous reward for abstaining from sex, yet my wedding night did not live up to the hype. The reality was a lovely experience but devoid of the magic I was led to believe would come from years of restraint. It took time to navigate the complexities of intimacy without the weight of shame.
- Damage Done: The adults who perpetuated these beliefs likely meant well, but the impact was harmful. The shame attached to sex affected countless individuals. I empathize with those who suffered under these teachings, particularly those who identify as LGBTQ or have faced trauma.
- A New Approach for My Kids: I refuse to let my children experience the same pitfalls of purity culture. I’m teaching them about body autonomy and healthy sexual conversations from an early age. I want them to know that their feelings are valid, and I’m here to support them through their experiences without imposing rigid rules.
Reflecting on my journey, I feel a sense of loss for the uninhibited love I could have enjoyed. I suppressed my feelings to conform to a damaging ideology, and I often wonder how different my first intimate experience could have been if I hadn’t been bound by such restrictive rules. The cost of adhering to those ideals was far too high.
For further insights on navigating these conversations, check out this post on Home Insemination Kit, and learn more about sexual health from Intracervical Insemination. If you’re seeking resources for pregnancy and insurance-related queries, UCSF’s Fertility Insurance FAQs offer excellent information.
Summary: Growing up in a strict purity culture has shaped my views on sexuality, identity, and body image, leading me to reject those teachings for my children. I aim to foster open conversations about their bodies and relationships, ensuring they don’t face the same shame and confusion I did.