I have only been intimate with my husband. Surprised? It’s not something you hear often, especially from someone in their 40s. My decision to remain a virgin wasn’t rooted in religious beliefs, even though I practice my faith as a committed Catholic. I don’t believe I’m any better than those who chose differently because of my choice.
In my teenage years, my faith did shape my decisions. However, that was back in high school, before I had any real experience in the dating world. By the time I was 27, I found myself losing my virginity, which felt like an anomaly among my peers.
I often heard people refer to me as “the virgin friend,” which puzzled me. I didn’t understand why they felt the need to share that part of my life, but it didn’t bother me too much. If someone was not interested in me because I wasn’t going to sleep with them right away, then they weren’t the kind of person I wanted to be with anyway. As I matured, I recognized that my virginity had become a significant part of my identity, and I wanted to share it only with someone truly special.
Before meeting my husband, I had one serious boyfriend during college. Our relationship was intense and physical—we practically lived together, sharing a bed every night and being intimate, but we never fully crossed that line. He loved me for who I was and never pressured me to do anything I wasn’t ready for. That relationship taught me the importance of respect in a partnership, and I refused to settle for less.
I met my husband at work, and after a few casual drinks, our connection deepened. One evening, I had an important conversation with him about my intention to wait until I was ready for a serious relationship. His response was a warm smile, which surprised me and made me feel at ease. I sensed something unique about him.
As our relationship progressed, I found myself aware that he was the one I had been searching for. He respected my choices and genuinely loved me, offering a kind of affection I had never experienced before. I felt a future with him, and when the time came to be intimate, I knew it was the right moment.
We had discussed this decision extensively, and I had one clear request: I wanted to be sober when I lost my virginity. Although we enjoyed drinks together, I wanted to be fully present and in control. The moment itself was unceremonious—it happened on an ordinary Sunday morning. I didn’t have the grand experience I might have imagined after waiting so long, but I felt fulfilled and happy. I knew I had made the right choice.
Many people find it unusual that I have only shared this experience with one person, questioning how I can be sure my sex life is satisfactory. The truth is, I don’t need to compare. I appreciate my situation, and I often think about how challenging it must be for others in relationships where the intimacy isn’t as fulfilling.
My husband had prior experiences before meeting me, and I don’t inquire about them—his choice to be with me means everything. I did, however, insist that he get tested before we became intimate, as safety has always been a priority for me.
Fifteen years have passed since that first experience, and I would choose the same path again without hesitation. I have no regrets about waiting or about my husband being the one. This approach isn’t for everyone, but there are others who share similar stories.
I know my situation is rare, but as a mother to a daughter, I would encourage her to consider her decisions carefully. I wouldn’t force her or make her feel guilty about her choices, but I hope she finds a partner who respects her deeply. That respect is what made all the difference for me, alongside an abundance of love.
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Summary
I waited until I was 27 to lose my virginity, choosing to share that experience only with my husband. My decision was influenced by my desire for respect in a relationship, and I feel fortunate to have waited for someone who truly values me. After 15 years of marriage, I would repeat my choices without regret, and I hope to instill the importance of respectful relationships in my daughter.