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I once had a decent circle of mom acquaintances. We weren’t the closest of friends, but there was a mutual respect; our kids got along well, and everyone seemed pleasant. However, when the pandemic struck and everyone went into lockdown, my fellow moms seemed to retreat into their own worlds. They invited me to join them for river tubing and pool parties. Eventually, after expressing my frustration in a group chat about our family’s commitment to wearing masks and adhering to CDC guidelines, they stopped reaching out altogether.
Living in a conservative area, I was aware that my friends leaned towards certain political views, such as supporting Trump and frequenting megachurches. One of my son’s best friend’s moms even had a sticker on her car that read “Starbucks and Guns.” We once had to hush her son about the NRA during a playdate, and my husband and I exchanged glances, unsure about how to handle it. Despite avoiding religious co-ops, we thought we were getting along just fine. How wrong we were.
The pandemic revealed people’s true colors when it came to masking. Our homeschooling community became a mix of personal independence and conservative ideologies, which led to a general aversion to wearing masks. Posts popped up asking which localities had mask mandates so they could dodge those areas when meeting at parks. Those who resisted wearing masks came across as anti-science and unwilling to endure minor discomfort for the sake of others’ safety. Many preferred to believe misinformation found online over credible scientific advice.
When a discussion arose about an upcoming homeschool convention, someone asked, “Are masks required?” The reply was a boast that only about one in twenty attendees would be masked. This convention, in the most COVID-19-affected region of our state, would attract hundreds of people.
Desperate for socialization, I reached out in our local homeschool groups to see if anyone would be open to an outdoor, masked playdate once I was vaccinated. I made it clear that my husband and I were immune. What followed was a wave of backlash. Amidst a thread filled with over 40 comments, which the admins ultimately deleted for being abusive, I was criticized for even suggesting that others wear masks. People argued that children needed fresh air and that insisting on masks outdoors was akin to abuse. After all that, not a single person offered to join me.
Eventually, I managed to connect with two moms I hadn’t met before, both willing to have outdoor, masked playdates. So far, I met one, and she was genuinely nice. But out of an entire homeschooling community, only two moms were open to the idea.
I continued to offer masked outdoor playdates to moms seeking friends for their kids, but no one ever took me up on it.
Not long after, another mom posted about being new to the area and looking to make friends, especially with older moms. We shared many interests and seemed like a good match, so I messaged her to suggest a masked outdoor meet-up. I mentioned our differing views but said it didn’t matter to me. She quickly responded that she would love to get together, but they didn’t wear masks.
I was baffled. Is it really so hard to wear a piece of fabric over your face to prevent the spread of a deadly virus? Even if someone doubts their effectiveness, how difficult is it to make others feel more comfortable? The homeschooling community here appears to be filled with individuals who deny the existence of COVID-19. They plan outings to farms and museums, organize football and cheerleading squads, and participate in co-ops, leaving little room for someone like me, who has spent the past year prioritizing masking and distancing.
Our recent masked outdoor playdate was enjoyable, yet it felt forced and awkward in a way no previous playdate had. It was evident we were there because we believed in COVID-19, hoping our kids could bond in a situation that felt pressured. The scarcity of opportunities for our kids to socialize made it feel critical for things to go well.
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